John Peel is dead. It still doesn't compute. My brain seems to keep rejecting this information, waiting until it's changed to something else which it can understand. I don't know why it's having this difficulty. If you asked me yesterday about Peel's effect on my life I'd answer that it was negliable, I've never listened to his shows despite knowing that really I should, and so I've never felt the same affection for him that I felt for Mark and Lard (before they went shit) or Steve and Jo (before they went shit) or for the Manics or Suede or Ooberman, or in more recent years, Everett True.

John Peel was a national institution though. I may have not listened to his shows, but like other national institutions whose services I may or may not partake of regularly, like the NHS or the whole of the BBC for example, it's reassuring to just know that they're there, doing what they do. Now who's going to play death metal at the wrong speed, closely followed by Fierce Panda b-sides?

The world is a darker and more sorrowful place without him. 23:50  

When I originally signed up to Ebay, it was because I wanted to sell my old Manics 12"s, having no need for them any more. Rory convinced me that I should spend some time buying and selling other items first, as sellers with no or little feedback generally receive lower bids on their items than a well known seller with lots of good feedback, It's been a year or two since this plot was first hatched and remembering it, I searched Ebay last night to get an approximation of how much I might get in exchange for my many early 12"s. Unfortunately, presumably due to the Manics decision to carry on as a pie-eating prog rock band, a shadow of their former selves, these records are now effectively worthless. On the positive side though, it does mean you can now get a good copy of Motown Junk on 12" for £10. 09:59  

I finally have my domain back. Rory forgot to set it to reregister automatically. He's gone back home now. Hiding from my wrath, no doubt. 17:08  

I have the day off college thanks to Teacher Training Day but it's a grotty, wet, pathetic day. Rory's here, and so is Ed. We're off for a curry with Phil, Tom and their friend Amy later. I'm already fantasising about my vegetable palaak. We're also planning on going to see The Dreamers, a film about incest during the Paris student riots of 1968. David says it has plenty of flesh so it should be good.

Yesterday I handed in my work for the typography project. It featured a size 24 pair of light green knickers adorned with sequins, among other delights. I'm really quite proud of the knickers, I feel I've truly captured the essence of the word "ridiculous" with them. We've been given a new brief and have to design all the packaging for a double compilation CD of our choice. It's interesting and I like the idea though we only really have two weeks to do it all in, as next week is half term and we weren't meant to receive the brief until the Thursday of the week we return. It's a lot of work to do, but mostly it should be fun.

On Wednesday I travel to Glasgow to stay with Stuart for the start of my Scottish trip, so there's more fun in store. Plus I don't have to put up with the stupid woman who takes the classes on Tuesday, so it's bound to be a good week. 17:42  

I had written a long blog about how shit I feel and how much I want to go home but I've just gone and lost it. This makes me feel even worse. Somebody come save me. Please. 13:14  

I've just been and shot the pictures for my furniture porn project. It didn't go very well. It took me at least half an hour just to set the flash up, and I'm not convinved I did that correctly. I knocked one of the cameras on the floor from a desk and then it wouldn't wind on or take photographs. I don't know if it was the same previous to its fall though. I had done no preplanning for the session so I did everything on the spur of the moment and thus more than likely it's all going to be crap. And everyone here hates me.

There was a beautiful sky this morning. Many different kinds of clouds and I felt special and happy. Pity it was all dashed once I arrived in college. Last night I went round to Helen's. (She's doing the interior design diploma course.) Her, her flatmate and I watched Mulholland Drive last night. It was the first David Lynch film I've seen. I got home at quarter past twelve and spent the next hour and a half online trying to figure out what the fuck had happened. I think I understand it now though.

Rory comes on Wednesday. This is the thing which is keeping me going today. 11:10  

I don't have the arsedness to blog about the whole of the past week and a half. I'm a lazy Sarah. The train to London was full of school children. We went to the pub in the evening and had vodka and fun. The food menu on the wall offered "skirt steak*" ... "(*) from a cow" somewhat confusingly. In the morning I managed to leave my face wash and medication on the bathroom sink. The tube in the morning rush hour was quite stressful but I survived. On the train to Maidstone I saw many horses, some pretty gardens, lots of old council flats. At the Art Institute we had a quick tour and a conversation with the Photography course leader. He wasn't happy with all my questions. The picture they painted of the course didn't seem to be what I was looking for. Plus their buildings were in a kind of campus compound with other educational institutions, like a couple of secondary schools. Not for me. I caught the bus into Maidstone and went shopping. I was pleased to see they had a good selection of charity shops. As it was getting towards the time I had to catch my return train I became lost and depressed, I rang for a taxi but they couldn't help me for another 45 minutes due to "the school run." Who on earth picks up their kids from school in a taxi?

Eventually I managed to find my way and I caught the train with about 20 seconds spare. I made it to Liverpool Street Station with bags of time spare. The journey up to Norwich was reasonably pleasant. There was a beautiful purple and red sunset. After being collected by Claire and Mary at the other end we stopped at the local Chinese take away and then made our way back to Claire and Scott's flat. The flat is also home to one of the most gorgeous cats ever, Erasmus. He's like a dog in that he'll bring you his toys for you to play with him. The evening's conversation wasn't up to much as I was very tired and sleep was most welcome.

Come the morning I was slightly more vibrant and Claire and I walked into Norwich city centre. She works two minutes from one of their main buildings so finding my way was simple. The open day visitors were given a brief talk by the principal then were led off for a tour by students on the relevant courses. We found ourselves talking to the tutors and course leaders for the course I'm interested in, and who responded somewhat more positively to my questioning. I still don't think that it's the course for me though. It seems to be rather unstructured, something I don't respond well to, as seen with my Tuesday classes. The buildings where the classes take place though were lovely. Medieval, I believe, and most picturesque. I met Claire again at lunchtime and we wandered around with our sandwiches, though the city's winding streets. Parts of it were over 500 years old, and I found myself drawn to its history and stories. There also seemed to be a church on every street corner. After she had gone back to her work I continued wandering through the town, was delighted to find a charity shop selling hodgeheg cushions, and decided to leave early as my feet were aching. The train station was far less elusive than Maidstone's had been and soon I was rushing through the Norfolk countryside, which was as flat as a piece of paper, but still attractive. I saw horses and cows and rivers. We stopped at stations which could surely only serve a maximum of 10 people. At Peterbrough I dismounted and changed to the train from London which would get me home. It stayed in the station for over half an hour though, claiming they were having a problem with the doors. I wasn't happy. I made it to Leeds by 7pm, half an hour earlier than originally scheduled, but much later than I wished to be there. I made arrangements with Robert Dane for him to come round, eat pizza with me, and give me hugs and strokes. He served his purpose well, and the pizza was divine. I was starving and had no energy to make food for myself.

I spent most of yesterday in bed, catching up on my sleep. It's a crucial part of my existence. Today I need to do work on my brief, typography. I have ideas, I just need to implement them. Rory comes on Wednesday. I like guaranteed hugs. 14:14  

It's been a week since I last blogged and I won't be doing again for a few days to come. I'm off to London in four minutes to go to open days. Get back on Thursday evening. Ta ta. 16:40  

Monday was a mixture of a day. The photography tutor told me he wanted my still life project in next week despite all my protestations and objections and pleas. The film I processed didn't develop properly due to my own misuse of some of the equipment. I tried to do some prints but they just went wrong and all the pictures looked slightly blurry. Even worse the developing fluid was particularly strong and the fumes were getting on my chest and I could taste it in my mouth. I gave up and left early. I went shopping with my mum. I was in House of Fraser when somebody I haven't seen in four years came up to me. It was Robert Dane. I was quite shocked and spent a little while talking to him and his boyfriend, Chris. We agreed to get together in the evening to catch up on all that's happened.

Came back home with mum and she set to work on my bathroom. The bath is now white and not grey. The floor no longer has stains from the soil the plants sit in on it. It's strange. I think those stains were my friends. She also hoovered my hallway and bedroom. The carpet is now green again. It's very disconcerting. I got her to give me a lift to SHIP for the women's group and we made a right mess of the one way system. It was like something from a comedy movie. When I finally got there I actually had a good time. I had my first rant in ages and Fiona had even brought cake, though it wasn't vegan.

Afterwards I met Robert and we sat down and talked for a couple of hours. Told him what had been happening in my life and he did the same for me. It seems half way through his third year in a Music and Theatre Studies degree, he decided that everyone else on his course was a pretentious knobhead and he'd be ashamed to get a degree with them. So he deliberately failed. In retrospect this was a bad idea, he admits, but there's not much he can do about it now. He worked in an arcade and in an old people's home then moved to Leeds six weeks ago to be nearer to Chris. He lives on the same road as Simon and is working as a chef in another old people's home in Adel. He also wants to start playing music again and seeing bands and going out with friends so I finally have someone I can persuade to come to gigs and films and so on with me! This is Very Good News Indeed.

Today at college we learnt about watercolours. I didn't get as depressed or upset as last week and actually managed to produce a thing or two I thought alright. Of course everyone else's was far superior, but I'm used to that. Later I had my last appointment with Dr Hume. We talked about how things were going, as usual, and then said goodbye. I gave him the card I bought for him to say thank you for all his effort over these past three years which he seemed very pleased at. I still think he's mad for moving to Switzerland though.

Simon cancelled on me again this evening but he did ring for a short chat. He was glad to hear Robert Dane is still alive and well and said he'd like to meet him again. Which is probably inevitable, seeing as they live on the same street. 21:35  

A very quick blog post as I have to make my lunch and get off to college soon, but here's a quiz to tell you which subsection of the British middle classes you belong to. Features some confusing questions about football and Spain which I had no idea what they were on about, but is generally good fun. It told me I'm a "Loft Winger":

"You're not trendy - you're 'creative', and you work for an ad agency, design bureau or marketing consultancy. You graduated in product design, but aspire to design magazines on a quarter of the salary. Or, failing that, to be an independent filmmaker, photographer or strategist earning twenty times as much. Your live/work space looks out over a glorious view onto some self-storage premises, the Gherkin and some Banksy graffiti. You lunch, go out with the mates, style photo-shoots, DJ, and you're never alone. Life is one long party. You take coke and Prozac. You know the clock is ticking..."

Curious. Shamefully nicked from Green Fairy, by the way. 08:14  

I've had a very interesting time, this past twenty four hours. Yesterday evening I was going out for a meal with my family as it's my mum's and brother's birthdays next week but Robert went back to Oxford today so we couldn't celebrate them on the correct dates. Robert collected me and spent most of the journey telling me about his holiday traveling around Italy, from which he had recently returned. Lots of Bad Things happened but they still had a good time. We all went out to the restaurant then, somewhere between Bradford and Halifax. The bar was a little crowded so I kept backing into a wall, trying to get some space. There was a fireplace behind me, at knee level, but it was either unlit or just for show. There was some tealights on it though, in glass containers. As I moved around a little I must have ended up knocking the container over and exposing the candle beneath as the next thing I know, my bag is on fire. I threw it onto the ground, which luckily was either wooden or stone, I forget which and had a rather deep drink of my vodka. Nothing was damaged inside but my digital camera is showing scorch marks. Around a quarter of the bag flap disintergrated and the smell of burning plastic pervades the remains still.

The meal itself was alright. Nothing special. There was some lovely chips though. Dad was annoying, Robert was bratish and annoying, insisting on speaking to us in Italian. The table service was slow. I was exceedingly happy to finally be able to go to bed. I had a dream about a man who had been turned into a pet hodgeheg and he tried to alert the family to his plight by playing the saxophone and painting pictures which said "accountant".

Mum drove me up to Baildon village so I could take some pictures of the graveyard. On the way there she spotted a hodgeheg on some grass. We stopped and I took some photographs. I was concerned for it, as it was the middle of the day, so it should be asleep not out foraging for nuts and berries. Mum said it was probably just confused. I wasn't so convinced but there wasn't much we could do. It had no obvious injuries so we weren't really justified in ringing the RSPCA. We left it alone and drove on to graveyard. Mum left me to go drop some items off at her shop. She took a long time returning and when she finally did pick me up again she said a cat had been knocked over and couldn't walk, probably had a broken leg, and as she knew where it lived she had taken it home until the owners had arrived back.

She drove me home via Marks and Spencers. Somehow I managed to persuade her to buy me a fabulous new skirt. There is a photo in the gallery but I'm not linking to it as it's pretty bad. When we finally got home then, she started cleaning my kitchen. Cooker, oven, sink, fridge (which desperately needed it), work surfaces, floor, she did the lot. I did help, but she did most of it. I offered to buy her a pizza or burger to say thanks but she didn't want one. Strange person. 20:25  

Tom found a wonderful article describing and later comparing the usefulness of a kitten as a computer accessory. For those who can't be bothered to read all the article, you're missing out on some immensely cute photographs, and it was concluded that "a kitten is substantially preferable to a puppy. It's also, incidentally, obvious that a new video card is 1.5 times as desirable as a baby." Well, duh. 11:58  

A little bit of advice from my friend Phil for us all. "Men are easier to please than DOGS. Get naked occasionally and don't spend all their money = happy men." I believe her message is a universal one and I'm sure you will too. 19:44  

A few links for your delectation. First of all, We Are What We Do, a website encouraging people to do nicer things, put more thought into their actions and just generally make the world a nicer place. One of the things they encourage is hugging! As we all know, this is something I support myself so I was extremely happy to find them linking to Free Hugs, a site with pictures, stories and video clips of hugging. They also have t-shirts to buy so you can advertise your status as a hugger, however as they're based in the States, the postage is almost as much as the cost of the t-shirt. If any American reading this wants to buy me one, I'd be quite happy! (Hint, hint.) And finally, to celebrate the sound on my computer working again, have the still fantastic I'm A Cow animation. 17:18  

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