Sunday, January 30
I received a letter from college yesterday morning, telling me that I should present myself, my portfolio, "evidence of recent written work, visual diaries, sketchbooks and anything else which you consider to be evidence of your thought processes" to college at 9:30 on February 9th for my interview. And suddenly I got extremely scared. I consider my work to be of a rather poor standard as it is, but when they're asking for all this added information, and saying that whilst at the interview "you may be asked to write on a given a topic, which will be related to your subject area," I was shitting it, to put it slightly.
Finding little support from either Rory or my B3ta friends, I went and hid for a while. Soon I started considering how I might be able to jazz up my portfolio a bit. I decided to split my work into sections: Graphic Design, Photography, Visual Studies and Life Drawing, Work from outside of college, and so on. I decided it would be best to create some kind of "subject headings", a page to announce a new section, which I would make with photographs, images clipped from magazines and other such items. As my printer isn't wired up and probably doesn't work anyway, and seeing that when I have an idea I have to go act on it there and then, I rang my dad and he agreed to come pick me up so I could print out my pictures on his computer, instead of having to wait until Monday and pay lots of money to do it at college.
My parents had both gone to the gym so I was alone when I was cutting up the pictures using my dad's craft knife-cum-scalpel. And I was alone when I sliced through my finger by being too careless and not ensuring it was out of the way of the knife. And so I was also alone as I rushed around the house frantically searching for bandages, plasters or anything else which might stop the blood. Dad arrived home after twenty minutes and found me a fluffy bandage thing, which I proceeded to bleed into. We realised another would be needed though so I gathered my things and he took me home via the Co-Op, Morrisons and some petrol stations, trying to find something suitable. When I finally got back home, I rang the
NHS Direct helpline, as it had been bleeding for two hours and showed no sign of stopping, despite holding it above my head and applying pressure. They advised that I went to A&E so eventually I did. By the time the blood stopped flowing, it had been bleeding for three hours. The nurse who saw to me put some kind of bandage made from seaweed on it, which should stay on for up to a week she said, then placed a finger dressing over it.
It hurt. Lots. I'm probably going to have a misshapen finger for the rest of my life. It bled more this morning when I was in the shower. And accidentally hitting the "return" key isn't a good thing to do either. I can see this next week being quite painful.
This afternoon I met David and took photographs of him riding up and down a street on a bike. Afterwards we went to the park and I took pictures of him on the swings. I had a go too, I forgot how fantastic the feeling is as I'm soaring through the air on a swing. They should recommend them as a therapeutic technique. I managed to lure David back to my house for a while, and we sat and hugged and talked nonsense for a while. That's just the kind of thing I miss: curling up with someone I love, having my hair stroked, being hugged, talking bollocks and it not mattering. If there was someone I could hire to come do this with me, I would happily pay. I don't get nearly enough hugs. Though Alex is meant to be coming over next Sunday, so I shall a few from him for a while. And Thom should be coming down from Edinburgh in three weeks or so for the weekend. It's just the more long term view I need to secure them for.
17:39
Friday, January 28
So I did it. I finally, after two weeks of prevaricating, asked Tony from college out. He seemed a little stunned, said he didn't know. I told him to think about it, said to have a good weekend (as I was just about to leave), that I'd see him on Tuesday. Whether or not he says yes is really irrelevant in the greater scheme of things. What counts is that I did it, I asked. It took a hell of a lot but I did it. I feel proud.
Found out that the interview for the degree I applied for will be on either Tuesday or Wednesday of half term. This leaves me approximately a week and a half to produce a coherent portfolio. I'm not sure I can do it, but I guess I have to try.
This weekend is mostly going to be spent attempting coursework, avoiding coursework and reading the fantastic
Belle de Jour book.
22:49
Thursday, January 27
Thursday mornings are our life drawing sessions. I've slowly been getting used to them, except today it was decided we had only 20 minutes to draw a certain pose, and we would be doing a series of poses. I didn't take well to this. At least the first ten minutes of a drawing is about mapping out: arranging a scale for the body, applying it to the paper and so on. My best drawing doesn't come until much later, once I've made my original mistakes of making a foot too big or a calf too long and so on. Thus my pictures were quite shit and I hated them. I threw the first two out. In the last 45 minutes we had to work with ink. I've never used it before and was quite daunted but it worked out OK in the end. The teacher agreed we wouldn't have to draw as quickly again for a while though, which is reassuring.
This afternoon we're meant to be working on briefs or various design projects. All I have to do is my global warming and thinking about it makes my head hurt. I'm rather bored. Found out when the interviews for Vis Com are though - sometime on February 8 or 9 I think. Less than two weeks to assemble a portfolio. Not good.
14:48
Wednesday, January 26
Thanks to the wonderful people on
B3ta I've found the fantastic
Couch Surfing Project. The premise is simple: you offer your couch to weirdos from the internet and they offer you theirs. Never pay for hotel rooms again!
14:50
Tuesday, January 25
It's strange having my blog back. I keep forgetting about it. I haven't done too much so there's little to blog about I suppose. Morag came over from Manchester on Sunday and I spent a couple of hours with her as she had her hair cut and we meandered around Hyde Park. At college today I painted the giant board I'm using for my global warming project and completely failed to ask Tony out again. He did however claim that all English music is shit, so I'm in the process of creating him a compilation CD in the hopes of proving him wrong.
22:10
Saturday, January 22
WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! MY WEBSITE IS BACK! Where have I been these last two months? It's all been the server's fault! It was saying that the fans weren't working properly so Rory replaced them but it still failed. Turns out in the end it was the power supply and all is well now. It took so long to fix because the server lives where Rory used to work and thus he doesn't have constant access to it anymore. And had more important things to do with his time than fix it, such as defrost his freezer. However I'm back now and can inflict two months of bloggage on everyone.
Way back in November I went to Lincoln to look round
the university. I wasn't too impressed but the city seemed nice enough, if a little small, and there were swans in the city centre and it was very cold so I bought a rather fantastic hat. I also went to
UCE in Birmingham with Rory. We spent the night before at
Malmaison and was suitably impressed with how gorgeous and expensive everything was. The course looked very good, once we'd found the place. It was actually on the campus of
Aston University which misled us somewhat. Birmingham city centre seems to have gone through some regeneration and now is full of beautiful new architecture and sculpture and I decided I would probably quite happy to live there for three years or more. I also went to open days at
my own college and
Leeds Met, both of which were also impressive. I was torn between the three but ended up not deciding and taking the easiest option of applying internally to college. If they turn me down I'll probably apply to Leeds Met, but I think I'm actually in with a good chance of getting a place after seeing the glowing reference my tutor wrote for me. Interviews are usually around half term, which is only two weeks away, and I haven't even started getting my portfolio together yet! My photography coursework also needs to be in after half term, so there's quite a bit of work I need to do which I've been doing a great job of avoiding. My essay topic is "How is Yorkshire represented through Art in general and Photography specifically?" I did well and wrote almost 2,000 words before Christmas but have added very little since. My inspiration seems to have gone, which obviously isn't a good thing. This essay has to be good too, as I've decided I want an A, and the essay is the only part which I might not get enough marks on. Last year's essay will drag me down to a B if I'm not careful, which is why I have to make this year's as good as I possibly can.
I also have an essay to write for my college diploma. I haven't decided on a title yet, but I have until April for this one, so time isn't quite as stretched yet. The course is going well though it's taking up all my time - I only have Wednesday mornings and Friday afternoons off college currently, and next term I lose that morning too. If I manage my time properly and remain calm and make sure I have my support all in place then there shouldn't be too much of an issue, but I don't have a good track record in such things. I am enjoying it though. We've now started doing life drawing which is a little stressful for me, as I dislike drawing, being convinced I can't and so on, but when it goes well I do like it. I've only done two sessions though, so things might improve as the term rolls on.
The other thing currently happening at college is that there's a bloke in my class who I fancy. After talking about it online to people, it's been decided I should say something to him but I lack the courage. As a result I've been following him about a lot, trying to find the necessary strength but failing. It must be so obvious, and I feel like I'm 13 or something. He lives on the road where David used to and we share similar music tastes. He makes me laugh and I like him. I'm just shy.
Around about the new year time I decided that this summer I'm going to start working in the Craft again. I'm leaving it six months as attempting to start now, when I have so much work I need to be doing, wouldn't be very productive. I realised though that to start working when I still have the issues which led directly to my original ceasing wouldn't be a very good idea. And as such I'm now trying to get over those things, them being Simon and his new relationship. Everyone thinks this is a good idea. Continuing with the problems isn't of benefit to anyone, and getting over it would benefit everyone affected, so that's the goal I've set myself. The first step was to start walking to college up the road they both live on. I've previously avoided this road in case I saw her, despite it being the quickest route to college. Earlier in the week, for a second or two, I saw her on other pavement, but I did well, I took some deep breaths and I didn't panic or start crying or anything else which previously I would have done. This is a great step forward, and although I'm not aiming for becoming best friends or anything, it's a good sign. I'm quite proud with how I coped.
Speaking of friends, they seem a little thin on the ground recently. Phil and Tom have both been very busy and we haven't been to the pub in a month. I suspect they're making plans to move back to London, and David has said he's looking at moving to somewhere near Huddersfield. This means I need to find more friends, as without them my number of friends in the area will be two: Robert Dane and Simon. This is another reason for trying to get closer to the bloke from college. Even if he's already in a relationship or gay or celibate or something, his friendship would be greatly valued. I could do with making contact with Tamsin again too. She's currently living in Hebden Bridge, with a purple living room, and that's all I know of her. Rebecca has moved further into Headingly and I don't have her new number or her mobile number. No one at SHIP can remember her surname, so I can't even look up her new number. I need to work harder at getting and keeping friendships.
17:50
