Today I discovered someone on my course, probably aged 19 or so, who does not know the meaning of "genre". Her excuse was she can not remember long words.

I may have to kill. 19:58  

I feel sullied. I have bought Marie Claire. Not just one copy either, but two. In case I fuck up the first time, attempting to paste my work into it. £5.40 for enough shiny paper to wrap a thousand presents in and still have half a forest left over. And the amount of shit that comes with it is amazing: testers for new beauty products and perfumes, Gap brochures, celebrity fashion... I think it's about time I renewed my Plan B subscription in order to cleanse myself. 11:16  

I've been busy, thus the lack of posts. On Thursday I had a woman who's currently working as an escort over for an interview. I've decided to do my finished piece for the reportage project as an article for a Marie Claire style magazine, as they do many features on "Real Life!" topics aren't quite as shit as the Take A Break approach to similar items. The article will be on prostitution and escorting and thus this woman was my primary research. We had a three hour long conversation about her work, she didn't leave until after midnight, but it was fun. She was honest and open and when you're considering that she was talking to someone she'd never met before, I felt very privileged. Plus we ordered curry and that always helps me into a good mood.

On Friday I went to Chorley for a party at Gavin and Janie's. Over the course of the weekend I managed to procure wonderful hugs from four different people. And then there was all the fantastic food too. Mostly it was fun, though there was a few parts when I wasn't too happy. They're probably best left unmentioned though. I got home yesterday afternoon and have been typing up my interview since. Note to self: next time, ask less questions. 17:33  

Well I am now officially Not Pregnant. One period: present and correct, just three months late. And it feels like it's brought three months of accumulated pain with it. I'm consoling myself with an extra large bowl of Coco Pops. 10:06  

Right now I'm supposed to be in a Critical Studies seminar giving a 2 minute presentation about the critical text we were allocated last month. They started from one side of the room and were working around to the other. I was sat about 3/5 of the way around. As it was approaching my turn the anxiety kept rising and rising until the person before me had just sat down. So I left. Walked out and went to the toilet. Was in there so long the automatic lights went off again. And I just can't go back. I've been outside door, planning my escape, as I have to go back - I left my bag and coat. I'd go in, just grab my stuff and leave, ignoring all questions. But I just can't make myself do it. So I've come up here instead to hide until the class is over at half past.

I told my tutors that I'm not going to Newcastle. They didn't say much. Instead I'm going to Chorley to see Rory this weekend. At least I'm guaranteed hugs. 17:12  

Feeling very much like I don't want to go to Newcastle on Thursday. Apparently we'll have to spend around 4 hours in a giant art gallery, where David predicts there'll be about 1000 people, and do some kind of critical writing in our critical diaries. We have to share twin rooms, except the only person I wouldn't object to sharing with has already got a roommate, and everyone seems to be planning on going out in the evening, the idea of which fills me with terror. So I'll probably be staying in with a book and no internet access, far from anyone who knows how to deal with me, and being alone and depressed. Much like now, but in a city far away where I know no one, trust very few people on my course, and can't get home. I'd rather just stay here. 23:07  

It occurred to me I still haven't posted pictures of my tattoo yet. It being one which wraps around my ankle makes it difficult to photograph, and impossible to in just one shot, so here are five of it:







As for last night, there are sadly no pictures of that, which may be lucky for Robert Dane's housemate who was dressed as a pregnant chav, and no doubt photographs would come back to haunt her in later life. The party was fun for the most part, I got a bit drunk, talked to some people, snogged and fondled one, but just as we were about to move on to further things it was demanded we stop and we had to put our clothes back on. But still! Most exciting thing to happen since last August! Most advanced thing woman-wise to happen since I was 15! And I managed it with a giant spot on the edge of my nostril. Here's hoping it's the first of many such occurrences. (No, not the spot.) 17:14  

Well it seems that some of the pretty straight girls aren't quite so straight any more... 02:01  

Something very, very strange is happening. I am at a party. I have never been to a party before. It is only at Robert Dane's so if it all goes crap I don't have far to walk home. His housemate Sonia has arranged it all in aid of Children In Need and has invited the LGB societies of both universities. I feel that's far too many people but there's not much I can do about it yet. So I'm hiding out in Robert's room, trying not to go either hyper or depressed, and consoling myself over the fact the most gorgeous person here is apparently straight. He has a giant banana that plays "Bananas In Pyjamas" to you in Swedish. This is a very Robert Dane thing. Fuck, they've put Ocean Colour Scene on the stereo again. I may be going home sooner than originally thought... 21:58  

Today hasn't been a particularly good day. It started out with discovering the lecturer who was supposed to be delivering today's Critical Studies lecture was standing on a picket line outside college, demanding more pay. In his place we were forced to watch a video on the Bauhaus which I saw last year in Contextual Studies. Riveting it was, I assure you.

After a not-so-brief game of cards in the cafe, I came home. I should have gone to the gym but I couldn't face it. It was so cold outside and I hate going anyway. After a bit of an argument with Rory I rang up and cancelled my membership. Yes I feel fat and ugly, but I don't have the staying power to go to the gym, I really hate it, it's a fight every time to get myself to go there. Well now all that's over with. I decided to celebrate by going to sleep.

Waking up 10 minutes before I needed to leave for my seminar, which was still on as the lecturer who takes the class wasn't striking, I made it to college in time to discover the picket line empty. Bunch of half-arsed layabouts. Our lecturer had a real treat in store for us instead. We got to read Clement Greenburg's essay on Avant Garde and Kitsch. God it was dull. The lecturer himself admitted he was partly giving it to us as an exercise in sadism. Here's hoping tomorrow's better. 19:44  

Rory's been here this weekend and has just departed. We were supposed to go see Mika Bomb and Help She Can't Swim but Rory decided his toiletry needs came above our entertainment needs and we didn't go. Instead we stayed in to watch L.A. Confidential and Shakespeare In Love. Other exciting activities this weekend have included curry consumption, exhibition viewing, arguing and brief guide to my camera lenses, with note taking. Riveting, I'm sure you'll agree. 18:09  

Note to self: the next time you turn the heating on for the first time in over 6 months, make sure you turn the thermostat above 15 degrees, or you might as well not have bothered with the heating in the first place. 20:41  

My second test came back negative. If I wasn't pregnant two weeks ago, I'm not pregnant now. So all that remains to be solved is the Mystery of the Missing Period. Maybe it went on holiday? With this weather, I don't blame it. 18:41  

So tonight I went to the Manifesta meeting. It wasn't scary and the people were nice and we're going to start doing some Radical Cheerleading. Reclaim the chant! We're having our first session next Monday at Hanover Square, so there's bound to be lots of pretty people around too, heh heh. Hopefully now this will be the start of making friends and finding things to do and getting involved with interesting projects. Though tomorrow is not likely to be interesting as I have a Photoshop induction. Dull, dull, dull. And I have a giant spot on my chin. God the conversation around here's great, isn't it? No wonder my readership numbers are so high. Next week: updates on that long black hair which keeps coming back, and maybe some reminiscing about verrucas.

Oh and my mum said that if I am pregnant, of which there is still a possibility, she could see me keeping it. She didn't know why, but she could. Then she pointed out that about 6 months ago she went to see a fortune teller who said that within the next 18 months my life would change drastically and he could see me in a flat and moving to London. Hmm. But still, another test on Tuesday. 20:18  

I've had a busy few days. Following Wednesday's abysmal lecture, Tom and I went for a walk in Middleton Woods. It had been raining so the ground and leaves and mud made a wonderful squelchy noise. We had an enjoyable walk, though I didn't find much inspiration for my project. But then I couldn't even find the pond reputed to be in there, so that's not much of a surprise.

In the afternoon seminar we were given texts on which we have to produce a 5 minute presentation in the New Year. There was a small amount of choice, unlike in previous years where apparently they were handed out randomly. Included were things like the Futurist Manifesto, writing on conceptual art, a feminist piece, how the Beatles album covers did something-or-other, and other such nonsense. I chose something which sounded quite promising - an essay on museums and how they can influence the way art is viewed and how outmoded they all are. Upon reading it however, I discovered that perhaps this wasn't the best selection as I don't think I understood a whole sentence from all the six or eight pages. Slight cause for concern, perhaps?

Thursday must have dull, because I can't remember any of it, except for attending the first class of my multiculturalism elective, which was so immensely boring I decided I was going to have to change to something else. So on Friday I went and arranged this. After a bit of a battle with the administrator, I'm now taking Photography in March.

Then yesterday evening Robert Dane and I went to see Adam's Apples. A Danish film, and very good. Extremely funny in places, and like all the best comedy, done solely with certain facial expressions. I highly recommend it. For the rest of the weekend, the only exciting thing I have planned is tomorrow evening, when I'm off to the monthly meeting of Manifesta. Allie is involved with them, and they're the kind of people I want to know. They put on club nights and gigs, publish fanzines and are generally all-round ace, much like Allie, really. So we're meeting just before the, um, meeting. It took a lot of courage to ask her if I could come with her, so it's a personal achievement to have just done that. Maybe I'm getting better after all? Who knows? 12:18  

I've had one hell of a day. I've had to battle with drawing emotions in rooms (I gave up), with arguing with the cafe staff in college over whether or not I could use one of their spoons to eat a yoghurt I bought elsewhere (which left me crying, they treated me so rudely), with Rory over whether it's better for me to do college work or go to the gym, and with a billion other tiny things. I feel drained and exhausted yet technically it's been a rather sedentary day. And still no period. 21:14  

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