Richard Dawkins has been writing in The Guardian about the horrors of modern day education's fixation on exam success. The joy of living dangerously focuses on the story of a headmaster who felt education wasn't measured in exams but through learning itself and who subsequently was adored by his pupils. I loved the article both for it's advocation of significant changes to the education system and for introducing me to another like-minded person, who went and made changes, who made his life count. Apparantly he said "I agree with Nietzsche that 'The secret of a joyful life is to live dangerously.' A joyful life is an active life - it is not a dull, static state of so-called happiness. Full of the burning fire of enthusiasm, anarchic, revolutionary, energetic, daemonic, Dionysian, filled to overflowing with the terrific urge to create - such is the life of the man who risks safety and happiness for the sake of growth and happiness."
21:42

I've just read a very inspirational essay in The Times by Jeanette Winterson called The Power of the New. She writes about the importance of innovation and experimentation in art and so underlines all I believe in.
21:11

Mercifully, the murder mystery play season is finally over with. Next year I swear I won't go. The bad acting, production, direction, sets, music... I find very little to praise in those productions. Last night I went with Robert. We decided to make it a bit more interesting they could perhaps add a touch of dance. Line dancing maybe, or ballet. And a disco ball. The average age of the theatre goer last night seemed to be about 80. We sat at the back and made scathing comments instead. A large improvement on visits with the rest of the family.

We arrived slightly early so we went to look round Borders for fifteen minutes. It's lucky we had such little time available or I would have bought more than just the two magazines I did end end up purchasing. The Yoke is a wonderful publication - "Self-censorship is the most rampant form of suppression and it is highly immoral." The other thing I bought was The Illustrated Ape which I haven't read yet. Will let you know how I get on.
18:04

An example of why I love Careless Talk so much:

...Somehow the music is one of the few places left where total control can't be guaranteed ... the spirit of DIY lives on! And we urge you, the reader, to pick up your guitar, your drums, your sampler, your fucking flute if you really have to and make your own racket... or pick up your camera, your computer, your website and make your own opinion your own art... DIY is what makes the music still tick, it's makes it the most accessible art form in the world... Fuck, you don't need any "talent" to make art! It's self-expression, dammit!
...
I want to celebrate the nutters and the outsiders, the disgruntled and the celebratory, the beautiful and the romantic! Those that exist outside the machine and those that exist inside the machine with a modicrum of dignity...
...
Don't forget you own the music. Let that be your mantra... now go off and create!
by John Robb, Careless Talk Costs Lives issue 8
14:01

Rory has uploaded his festival photos. There's two photos of me, one where I look about 12 and one not quite so bad. No photos of Graham, Selina or Rory but plenty of sunsets and the fire we had once or twice. Also lots of the carnage in our field on Monday morning.
15:48

112 Reasons to Lead a Barren, Childless Existence That Ends in Your Death - a wonderful explanation as to why children are not for everyone.

Happy Tree Friends - a series of short cartoons from Mondo Mini Shows. Definately worth seeing.
14:15

Saturday
We decided to go home Saturday morning so we could pick up some clothes, leave others behind, take some alcohol home which wouldn't be drunk and have a shower. Graham and Selina decided to come with us and we all set off at about 10am. It was a long walk up to the part of the site where we would be able to catch a bus from and again the signposting was less than adequate. It seems we weren't the only people around, in fact there seemed to be a mass exodus heading in the direction of Sainsburys. People walking in the opposite direction were all carrying 12 cans of lager or something similar. I bet Sainsburys thought this weekend was a god-send.

A bus turned up as we arrived and the journey didn't take too long. The skies were darkening though and it looked as if there would be a storm. We got home at about half past eleven and all took the luxury of showering. We scoffed large amounts of toast and called a taxi as we reckoned trying to catch a bus back would be more hassle than it was worth. The taxi driver tried to take us to the wrong entrance though and wasn't very happy when I suggested that wasn't where we wanted to be. We got back on site by about half past one and discovered that there had indeed been a rainstorm which we had managed to completely miss by going home. The mud which had existed before was now ten times worse and much more lethal. After a quick rest we tried to contact Morag as we had agreed to meet sometime that day. It was decided we would try and find each other after the White Stripes set so Rory and I went to do a bit more shopping and then sat down on the hill to watch them play. We couldn't see very much as we were so far from the stage but luckily the large monitors meant we could see the lovliness of them both. When they had finished a huge torrent of people arrived to see Weezer and I was getting more and more stressed and we couldn't find Morag so we cut our losses and decided to head back to the tent. Once we'd left the arena however she rang me and said she would come and find us as she wanted to see us. So we found each other by the beer tent and sat to chat for half an hour or so. She gave me some of her herbal anti-panic pills and lots of hugs and then things were mostly alright again. Rory and I decided it would be silly to try and get me to see other bands as the crowds would be terrible, so we went back to the tent and stayed there all evening, listening to Pulp and the Strokes waft over from the main stage.

Graham and Selina arrived back at the tent around half past eleven and Selina headed straight for bed. Graham expressed a desire to get extremely drunk though so Rory, he and I stayed up talking bollocks. I didn't have anything to drink after what had happened on Thursday and also I wasn't feeling very well in myself and didn't want to risk getting more depressed. We had fun chatting though and I didn't lose out by not drinking. At one point rather out of the blue Graham asked me for a "snog". Not a word I tend to use myself. Alarms went up in my head - he wants to make fun of me, embarass me and so on, so I said I couldn't be bothered coming all the way over to him. He persevered though and stumbled over to me and somehow we ended up kissing. It was lovely, I was happy and Rory said he went back over to his seat with a huge grin on his face. Crucially for me, he didn't make fun of me or torment me or any of the other things I feared would happen and so he wasn't the only one grinning.

Pretty soon afterwards we all went to bed and Rory and I slept rather well, considering our surroundings. Later we learnt though that Graham hadn't been quite so boring as us. From Selina's and his testimonials it seems that he slept for an hour or so then got out of bed again. He went for a wander around the tents and had a play-arguement with a bloke. He was lost though and couldn't find his way back to his own tent. All of a sudden he had a sudden urge to shit and was far too drunk to make it to the toilets. He pulled his pants down and did it there and then, which later turned out to be behind our tent. Someone disturbed him as he was finishing but left him to it. Selina managed to get him back into their tent and into bed. At some point in the night he threw up all over his sleeping bag and on Selina's head. Sunday morning came and the people with the tent behind ours found Graham's poo and needless to say were rather surprised about it. Apparantly it was of large proportions as someone said "it must have come from a very big person." Graham, curled up in his soiled sleeping bag, heard this conversation and had a sinking feeling he was responsible for it all.

Sunday
Rory and I clambered out of bed around the time of the giant poo discovery and went to see The Pattern. We approached it in a much more sensible manner than previously tried and so I managed to stay for the whole set without hyper-ventilating or panicking or screaming or collapsing. I was very proud of myself and even managed to stay for most of The Libertines' set too. We left that a little early though as the crowd was getting a bit too thick for my tastes. We decided to do another spot of shopping and bumped into Chris and Marie. After we went over to the Carling Stage to see the D4 only to be told they had played earlier than planned and we'd missed them. We considered staying to see The Beatings but decided to play it safe and went back to the tent instead. We spent the rest of the day just killing time until Graham and Selina came back from watching Foo Fighters and then we all crowded into our tent for a drink and a chat. The camp site was noisy what with it being the final night and it seemed every one wanted to finish in the same style as the previous two years - with a bit of rioting, destruction and mayhem. A tent two rows from us caught fire though Rory suspects it was caused by the people who owned it so they didn't have to carry it home later. The lights were brought down and so were some of the poles which held the lights up. The organisers had learnt from previous years though and the toilets were sealed off after dark so that people couldn't blow them up as they used to. It did mean though that you had to piss into the bushes. I tried to talk to Graham to see how much he remembered of the previous night and I got the impression he remembered kissing me. I didn't have the courage to ask him though. Rory and I went to bed about 3 or 4am to the noise of loud dance music, drinking and the buzz of helicopters.

Monday
Monday morning was grey and dull and cold and horrible. We all got the tents down and left by half past eight. I was glad to be going home, I don't think I could have coped with another day of mud and rubbish and furry teeth and aching bones. When we arrived home, due to my dad (heh heh), there was another round of toast, some half-arsed guitar playing and a bit of dozing. We talked about Graham's adventurous Saturday night and I got the impression this time that he didn't remember the kiss but I was never alone with him to ask, and I didn't want to do it in front of Rory. They caught a taxi at half past twelve to the airport and Rory and I went to Morrisons for more provisions. We were both feeling ill with flu symptoms and wanting to crawl into bed. Simon was meant to be coming around with Cinnamon but it was worked so that he caught a taxi to Morrisons and we took the taxi and Cinnamon up home. Once we had sorted out the shopping and the cat it was about 3pm and we sank into bed and slept. For 20 hours.

And now here I am. I feel much better than yesterday. My throat is still clogged but it doesn't look like I'll be coming down with an illness. Not seriously at least. Rory's still not great and is currently asleep, just like old times. My major problem right now is Graham. Does he remember what happened? Should I mention it? Does he regret it or is he pleased about it? I don't expect anything else to come of it but I would like to say to him how much it meant to me and tell him of the huge confidence boost it's given me. Of course I'd like it to happen again but I know the chances are so small it's not worth thinking about. But due to my nature I attach myself to who ever shows me attention and affection and that's not really a good idea with him considering I've known him less than a week and he's in a long term relationship. *sigh*. I'll have to see how things work out.

Looking back at the weekend it was silly of us to think I would be able to cope with something as huge as the festival when I've had no little steps to help deal with it. We know now where I am though and we can aim for being well enough to cope successfully with next year's festival. Aside from my health problems, I'm glad I went as I got to drool at lots of pretty people and buy some funky clothes. The difficulty is settling back into normal life again. Wednesday seems like a lifetime away, not just a week. Trying to find a daily routine is so alien a concept. Oh well. At least in this side of life I get to eat apple crumble.
13:29

Big bad things have happened with the box of cereal in the kitchen. It's half finished. Oops. Good job I've run out of soya milk or more bad things would happen.

Rory says I shouldn't be mentioning Graham on here as he's worried some of his friends might read it, although a few days ago he said I would be fine talking about it. So I don't know what to do - to blog or not to blog? Maybe I should mention it and if you're one of Rory's friends you shouldn't be reading it? Hmm.
11:09

Rory has been unsuccessfully trying to install drivers for his digital camera. I can't explain why I get so protective around my computer but everytime he fiddles with it I get aggressive and angry and upset. He's the same and more so today because he's ill. So right now we're not really talking to each other, we both feel like shit (physically), I hate myself for arguing with him and I need someone to come hug me and make everything alright but there's no one to fill that role. It's normally Rory I turn to for such things only I obviously can't right now. And my brain is occupied by thoughts of Graham, for reasons to be revealled when I finish the festival posting, and this is bad because obsessing over what could never happen, whilst being a popular past-time of mine, is rather self-destructive. *sigh*. Someone come hug me, please?
20:12

I'm feeling very tired right now so I can't finish the festival details. Here's as far as I've got. The rest coming later...


Tuesday
Rory was ill so we didn't go to Out to 25. I don't remember much else about Tuesday.

Wednesday
We got up early and went to the psychologist. I had another of my rambling attacks and so not much of use was said. Well, if it was said, I don't remember it. Afterwards we went into town though what for I can't remember. Simon came round in the evening and took Cinnamon away with him.

Thursday
Another early morning on Thursday as my dad drove us over to Temple Newsam. The festival sign posting was terrible and the stewards all pointed us in different directions. Eventually we managed to find something like where we were meant to be and started the huge trek to the entrance. It took us about 45 minutes to get there but we did have to stop repeatedly due to our bags being so heavy. There wasn't a queue at the wristband exchange but even so we decided to camp in the first field we found as we couldn't face carrying the bags any further. Despite not having had a practice run at erecting the tent we managed to pitch it first time. We decided to go for a wander and investigate the rest of the site, find out where things were and so on which killed a few hours. Once we got back the sun came out and it was too hot to do anything so we spent a while sunbathing and drinking, which led to me getting very drunk and horny, which led to Rory being bitten lots which later led to him being covered in bruises. Ahem. I vaguely remember being fed jacket potato to try and sober me up, after which we went to talk to random people, presumably from my initiative. We found 5 girls from Manchester who had a nice fire and talked to them for an hour or so and later stumbled off to bed.

Friday
Without wanting to sound repetitive, we awoke and rose early. I was feeling somewhat tender due to my drinking binge and anxious as many more people had arrived and the campsite was now crowded. Graham and Selina arrived around lunchtime so we gave up trying to calm me down enough to go into the arena in the midst of the heaving crowds and instead met them and sorted out the tents. We adjusted ours so that the tent doors would open on to each other and again I got to hit tent pegs with the mallet dad had bought for us. I have a thing about random violence. Would explain my obsession with biting, probably.

My memory fades after that. At some point we went into the arena, did some clothes shopping and I had a lovely tofu burger from the vegan food stall. We tried to go see some bands but I wasn't up to it. Rory didn't quite realise this and wasn't too gentle or understanding. A lot of Friday evening was spent shouting and crying.
18:29 - 1 Comment

I survived the festival, just. I haven't recovered enough yet to blog properly but I do intend to give full information about the past week, as soon as I can. Don't hold your breath though.
15:30

Yes I know I should update more this but I'm a very lazy person at heart. Anyway, it's not as if I have an interesting life, or if people actually want to read what I write.

The weekend was fairly normal. Went to my parents, got my hair dyed and cut. I did try to take a photo but they didn't come out very well so you'll just have to use your imaginations as to what it looks like. Or wait til I take a better photo. One that isn't blurry.

Rory's here! Hugs! And apple crumble! Yey! He thinks he's ill though and doesn't seem to want to do much, which is a bit crap. But I'll get him motivated. He moves quickly enough when I tickle him...

I'm getting nervous about the festival now. Eeek! Two days to go! Rory's convinced we won't be able to carry everything we need or that he's left a crucial part of the tent at home. But then Rory's a chronic worrier, like me.

I'm getting rather annoyed as more and more bands are touring soon and I want to go see them but have no one to go with, and no way am I well enough to go on my own. If someone doesn't volunteer to come along with me I might have to start sulking.
13 September - Libertines
25 September - Datsuns
30 September - Chris Mills
1 October - Parkinsons
3 October - Coral
6 November - Bright Eyes

Cinnamon went to the vets' yesterday. Dad had made a box for him from selotaping the grill from his fridge to a cardboard box and he happily went in it however once we were in the car he desperately kept trying to escape. It was that difficult to try and keep him in that we had to send Robert to Living World to buy a proper box for him. Luckily that solved the problem and there was no more howling and scratching. He sat there, calm as could be, the whole journey, in the waiting room (which was full of dogs) and all the way back home again. A worthwhile purchase, methinks.

The blind man finally came to measure up and the blind has been ordered. I bought a rose quartz bracelet from Ebay which is very pretty but far too big for me. I'm still reading The Heart of the Matter. Careless Talk features plenty of bands I've been downloading recently and so I feel very proud. I have PSP7 back again. And that's all the news I have.
17:35

Robert got 3 A grades at A-level. He must surely have got into his Oxford course.

I registered at Swarthmore for a few courses and at Park Lane for GCSE Photography. I spent quite a bit today in registration fees. I also bought some divine chocolate biscuit cake. Mmmmm.

I don't have much else to say. I still haven't remembered to ring the Blinds people.
17:13

I haven't blogged in ages despite wanting to, I've either been too busy or too tired or couldn't be arsed. To make up for it, here's a link to The Online Dictionary of Playground Slang. I've mostly been spending my time reading e-mail, laughing at B3ta, at SHIP or eating large amounts of food. Oh yes, and flogging unwanted things on Ebay.

Went to Hope for the first time on Tuesday and found Tamsin. She was rather surprised to see me. She's lost loads of weight and cut off her hair, it's hard to think of her as the same person. I didn't go to my psychiatrist's appointment as I couldn't face it. Tomorrow I'll probably go register at Swarthmore and I also have to go to the council to hand in my benefit review form. Joy. The theatre tonight was marginally better than last week but I didn't find the plot as satisfying. Robert gets his results tomorrow and thus becomes the light of my parents' lives again. Great stuff. I feel so adequate.
23:05

Spotted recently:
- Porn for blind people (features naked women, if you wondering)
- Creaturecology where you create your own beasties and let them loose into the world to survive. Much better than TechnoSphere, IMHO. See the creatures I made: [1] [2] [3]
- An archive of C86 / Sarah Records -esque music. Leaves me whimpering in awe every time.

My period has turned up three days early. A most extraordinary thing seeing as usally it's about five weeks late. Should I be worried or pleased? I think I'll abstain from thinking anything about it unless my inner organs follow the blood and fall out of my vagina.

I've just polished off a carrier bag of garden peas. They were in pods. It's been years since I last ate peas from the pods. Reminds me of sitting at my nan's rickety card table on Sundays with my brother and eating them until my stomach began to hurt.

Last night's play was A Murder Is Announced. I was pretty amazed at how the acting manages to get worse every year. At this rate they should be getting work on daytime soaps soon. Still I have to admit the plot was pretty well thought out, despite the terrible dialogue. We went for a meal beforehand which was alright, even though the restaurant was populated with kids and loud Americans. I had some lovely strawberries for dessert. They were almost as nice as the raspberries I had for breakfast.

Simon said he would be fine for cat-sitting during the festival. I got some photographs developed, it was the film from when I first got Cinnamon. I'd forgotton how small he was. He's grown a huge amount, it's quite scary. Robert said he would go see The Libertines with me on 13th September as Rory won't be able to go and I have no one else to accompany me. I still need to find someone for The Datsuns (25 September) and The Parkinsons (1 October) though. But maybe I shouldn't go see them? Small gigs are very large step to be taking and bad, horrible things might happen and if they do I need to be with someone qualified to deal with me, which means Rory or Simon.

I've been thinking about my rekindled interest in music and I realised that to sustain it, when I move to uni I'll have to pick a large city with regular gigs and a good music scene. Aberdeen, Lancaster and Canturbury are a bit too far away from such places. Belfast and Glamorgan have no chance at all, so my options are left at Nottingham (I'd prefer not to have to), Leeds (I need to escape!), Glasgow (only one course I'm not too obsessed over, and difficult to get into) and Manchester. So it looks like I'd better focus on Manchester. Now if only we could get rid of the Mancunians. Heh heh.
18:36

I tried to write yesterday but I accidentally closed down the browser whilst I was only half finished and I didn't have the energy to start over. This is my excuse for not blogging for a few days. Now I'm not going to write in my usual manner but just give a round up. I don't have an excuse this time, other than lack of arsedness.

Dentist's went fine, we don't think there should be many problems once my tooth has worked its way out into the wide world. I ranted about my food problem at the women's group, about how I feel I've lost control over what I eat and that it's making me very depressed. Then I went to Beanos and bought cheese and chocolate. I have been feeling much more depressed than usual in the past few days. I can only hope it's due to a few early mornings and it isn't a sign of what's to come. Going to the first of the murdery mystery plays season on Saturday. I'm not looking forward to it, but not fearing it either. Yet.
16:37

On the internet you get to see lots of strange things and I suppose after some time you become sanitised to it but despite my many, many years as a net surfer I have found something new to be astounded by:Extreme Ironing. Extreme ironing is "the latest danger sport" and participants love nothing better than combining "the thrills of an extreme outdoor activity with the satisfaction of a well pressed shirt." You have to wonder at the thought process which came up with the idea of ironing on top of a mountain or on a rollercoaster.
17:18

I'm not feeling very good today. I had to be up early for a 10am doctor's appointment and woke up feeling the most depressed I've been in ages. It's cleared slightly now but has been replaced by hunger. I can't eat as I have to go to the dentist's at 4pm and also I can't allow myself after all I ate yesterday. However I have some tofu marinading in the fridge which I am going to stir fry later with some sweet and sour sauce, onions, mushrooms and peppers. If I boil some rice too there should be enough to feed three or four people.

My replacement microfilter arrived this morning. The accompanying letter said they couldn't find a fault with it but sent me a new one "as a gesture of goodwill." It works! Whoo-Hoo! I can now download songs and use the telephone at the same time! Though I'll have to get new file sharing software as Soul Seek has inexplicably disappeared. What do people recommend?

There was lots of new people at Out 2 25 last night and accompanying one for moral support was a woman called Zoe who used to go to my school, only about two years ahead of me. We snook glances at each other across the room for the evening and when we all left we confirmed that indeed we did used to go to school with each other, we just had never spoken. We agreed that sparkly, glittery and furry things are wonderful and she was open to the idea of lelephants bouncing. A soul mate there, then. Heh heh. It seems she too was a victim of the school's regime of getting good exam results at the expense of your emotional and mental wellbeing so we spent quite a while bitching about it all. I even went to the pub with the group which I haven't done before as I didn't feel welcome but Ritchie said I should come, so I did. We went to Stinky's Peephouse which is a new-ish place near the Playhouse. The decor was lovely, with candles and the like. I didn't drink, but Zoe said she had gained a habit of throwing her clothes off when drunk, so I was understood. Ahem. I left at about half past ten but she said she would probably come along to the next group so hopefully we talk again then. I think she would be good to have as a friend, she's the kind of person I need.
12:17

I was thinking about the idea I had to get photographs taken of me and how to finance it. Rory's all for the idea too so I'm determined to make it happen. I was idly browsing Ebay when I came across a Placebo record for sale. Identical to the one I've been intending to sell for a few months. And currently bringing a price of £33. So I've been frantically listing some of my items for sale. I haven't got round to the ones expected to bring in the most money yet though as I'm knackered. Why does selling things on Ebay drain so much energy from me? I can't explain it.

Seeing as I had to take photos for some of my items, I finally got round to taking some of my bathroom. What do you think to it?


21:22

Size Him Up is a web service to help you estimate your mate's / brother's / dad's / boss' etc penis size without ever having to get into his trousers. Just provide a few easily available details about the man in question and it will tell you how big they think he's likely to be. Anyone want to try it and see it works?
15:19 - 1 Comment

Here is a very funny thread from the B3ta message board. A snippet: "also bought eight packets of dennis the menace cake mix to make later.
think i should probably take someone sensible with me next time i go food shopping"
22:30

I was browsing through kentsoul's portfolio and I've realised that what I need is a session with a similar photographer to produce some images to make me appreciate myself and my body, to see that I have a possibility of being pretty and so on, as those photos make the models look as I wish to be. I think that such a thing is the only current chance I have of accepting myself as my self-hatred runs so deep. I can't see myself look attractive and desirable instead of fat and ugly and bumpy and inadequate from inside of myself so I shall have to see it as an outsider. Getting the courage or money to do such a thing is an entirely different matter. Yes my birthday is coming up but it's not something I feel comfortable asking my parents for. Hmm, does anyone feel like contributing some money?! It's a worthwhile cause!

Continuing on an inferiority theme, here's two sites which make me feel about as pathetic as you can get. Serenity Quest sports some of the most beautiful layout designs I've ever seen. It's enough to leave me whimpering in admiration. And True Porn Clerk Stories is so clearly written, with no bumph or rambling, and is everything I want my blogging to be. However I don't know quite how to achieve it and I end up resentful of what i have written, wishing I could disown it. I guess I only continue due to habit.

This is a good a chance any I suppose to mention the Who Are You? project. How would you respond to the question "Who are you?"

How do you show what you are, who you see yourself as, how you want the world to see you, in just one photograph? I still haven't figured out the answer yet, which I why I haven't submitted anything or linked to it previously. I'd love to know other people's answers though.

In the real world, Rory went out last night for fun with his mates. I stayed in and tried to help Stephen choose a duvet cover. Rock 'n' Roll, baby. I made jelly too but didn't eat it, so I'm doing so now. I'm no more enlightened about the Golf Sale craze, and it's now appearing on billboard advertising. I shrieked when I saw it which was unfortunate as my dad was negotiating pulling out into a busy road at the time and he thought I meant a car was about to hit us. My parents went to see Kissing Jessica Stein last night which just infuriated me further as I want to see it but Louise couldn't go so I decided against trying to make them take me. In fact Louise said she wouldn't be around for a while. I don't think she's very well currently.

Next week I have doctor's and dentist's appointments on the same day, and as previously mentioned I'm supposed to be starting at Hope but I told Simon I wouldn't so he could come round. I don't know what to do about Hope. Perhaps I could go every other Tuesday, on the days when I don't have Out 2 25 on the evening. I'll have to talk to Michael about it. Then on Saturday it's the first of the murder mystery play season. Great.
19:58

I started out feeling rather depressed this morning. I felt fat and horrible and unloved and I certainly didn't want to have to see my dad. I dragged myself into town to SHIP, despite the rain and the overwhelming urge to crawl back into bed. The group was alright, I cheered up a bit and ranted about my family and so on. Afterwards I saw Michael about joining Hope and all went OK there too. We agreed for me to join the original Hope group which runs on Wednesday evenings. Later on I realised this interfered with Simon's routine on coming on Wednesdays so I shall have to change to Hope2 which is on Tuesdays, before the LGB group. It may be a bit too much for just one day, especially when I have Out 2 25 afterwards but I'll have to see how I cope.

I left SHIP at half one and went to Borders to waste time before having to go home to my dad. He rang at two though saying he was in Stanningley so we agreed for him to pick me up. In the meantime I went to Beanos and bought some delicious-looking rye bread and some cheese. I wanted the kind I normally buy but it was £1 more expensive than what I chose, and made by the same people, so I thought if one kind was nice the other probably was too. I haven't tried it yet though.

Dad turned up and seeing as I was depressed and didn't want to be in his company he said "you're being very quiet." What are you supposed to say to that? There isn't much you can say, other than "yes" or "sorry" maybe. I said "am I not allowed to be quiet?" and he took great offence and started ranting at me. Joy. Anyway we got home and spent a couple of hours cleaning the house. He even cleaned the windows. So all the decorating is finished now, he's moved his tools, except his stepladder, and even the curtain rail over the door is in place.

I'm feeling a bit better than this morning but still not great. I wanted to not eat today to try and make my stomach smaller but by 1pm I knew I wouldn't keep to it. Also had a second arguement with dad about whether or not Ibuprofen are muscle relaxers. Simon rang out of the blue and he agrees with me and Rory that they're not. In the end though it doesn't matter who's right or not, just the fact my dad refuses to be wrong about anything. Oh, and we've blocked him now, and anyone else using Tele2 from the Bradford transmitter. Heh heh. Snoop free blogging. Oh yes.
20:30 - 1 Comment