Before I start bitching about my horrible day, here's more things from the strange world of the internet:
- B3ta are starting an investigation to find out if, using the principle that women who live together will menstruate at the same time, the women of the web menstruate together. Help them along by simply saying if you're currently on your period or not.
- Boobie Blog is a blog of, well, user-submitted breast photos. In an arty way, of course. This entry tells you a little more about it.

Can any one explain to me what the fuss about golf sales is? It seems to be the latest meme but I have no idea and even Rory hasn't heard of it. I tried searching Google but all came up was online golf stores. Please, someone, anyone, tell me!!!

I can't remember if I've posted previously that I currently am having trouble with one of my wisdom teeth, but I am. Today I even bought some Bonjella. I have a dental appointment a week tomorrow and a new box of painkillers but it's still not much fun. Eating is rather painful.

I guess it's time for my rant about my horrific day. Well, it's been very warm over the past few days but this morning there was grey clouds so when I got up I put some cords and a t-shirt on and went to the postal depot as I had to collect a parcel. By the time I got back I was dripping sweat as it was incredibly humid and the clouds had cleared a little to let the sun through. When I got home I got changed (I even did some ironing!) into a skirt and vest top as I had to go out again to meet Louise and go to the LGB group. I considered taking an umbrella but I decided not to as I didn't think there would be much chance for rain. So I went into town and met Louise. We were both feeling sleepy so we sat in Borders for a while and looked through a few art books and then went to the bar next to City Varieties and got some lunch. It started to rain then, it was about 2pm. We went to SHIP when a thunderstorm started up. Oh joy. Louise left half way through but I stayed til the end. We had a good chat about different ways of getting online, bizarely enough. Afterwards I arranged to see Michael about possibly joining Hope, we're going to have a chat on Thursday.

After leaving SHIP the rain was still heavy and the bus queues were huge. All the traffic seemed jammed but luckily a bus turned up within five minutes. This would be about half past 5. I got on the bus but it was rather full and very hot and in fifteen minutes we had travelled about 5 yards. I got off and went to Waterstones instead, hoping that after an hour or so the traffic would have cleared. There was lots of books I wanted to buy but I held out and was good and didn't buy anything. By the time I was ready leave the rain was back to thunderstorm levels but I decided to brave it and run to bus stop. Luckily the bus was there but it was full. Still, it's better than being soaking wet outside. However the traffic hadn't decreased in the slightest. I would have walked some way if I had brought either a coat or an umbrella with me but being without either and wearing thin cotton clothing I didn't fancy the idea. So at half past 6 I got on the bus. I stayed on the bus until it got to Bramley. It took two hours. What had caused all the hold ups was all the rain had flooded the inner ring road, which is mostly tunnels. The police closed off the road so all the other traffic had to use the normal roads to get home. Thus the huge jams. Every road was packed with queued cars. Many people were walking, as I wished I could.

Points of note on the journey included: being chatted up arbitarily by some bloke who seemed very nice but who I wasn't interested in the slightest in; a woman who wouldn't stop complaining about how long she had been on the bus; a fat, ugly woman who kept almost molesting the kids of the man sitting across from her; a friendly woman I chatted with about freaky weather, traffic jams and cats; a few very pretty women who, unlike the man interested in me, had they asked if I wanted to go to the pub, I wouldn't have said "no".

Tomorrow night I'm going to the group for non-hetro women in Bradford, a combination of Out 2 25 and the Bradford equivilent. I'm looking forward to it, despite being anxious. "Self defense, drama, group games, make new friends, refreshments, chatting, fun" the leaflet promises. Sounds like just what I need.
23:29

What's the verdict then? How's the layout? Any problems spotted?

I just realised that I've now linked to the bunny breeder twice without knowing it. Oops. Oh well. There's a new mp3 page as compensation.

The bathroom is almost finished, again! The floor is mostly down now. Maybe dad'll even screw the door back on today! I'll be glad to have my house back to myself. I dislike him being around so much. We argue over too many things. He shouted at me today because I clean the bath with the scrubbing pad side of the sponge. If I didn't the dirt wouldn't come off properly. He complains when I don't clean it, he complains when I do. *sigh*

The Ethical Slut is being a very good read. It keeps telling me all the things they tell you at SHIP: about owning your emotions, about not pushing them aside, about compromise and so on. I shall have to recommend it to them as a text book.

I have toothache. I think it's due to my wisdom tooth attempting to grow again but I can't be sure. Chewing is rather painful. Unfortunately this hasn't put me off food as much as you would expect. I suspect that not even multiple tongue piercings would stop me eating.
16:22

Here are some things I've been playing with recently:
- Love Bunny, where you have to trace the bunny outline, exactly, with your cursor.
- Spirograph, which makes pretty mathmatical patterns.
- Breeder, which features more rabbits, only you have to help these ones breed.

The bathroom is finally almost finished. The wallpaper is up, it's just the floor which needs sorting, and then all the bumph can be moved back in there. I'm sure Jesus will be glad to have the room back to herself. Should think she's been quite frightened with all the strange noises and banging that's been going on.

Something else getting a bit of a redecoration is this site. A new layout is just about ready to be implimented, as I'm bored with this one. I promise it will feature added pointlessness for your viewing annoyance. And maybe some mp3s.
22:55

If you're like me and don't always enjoy drinking alcohol at any given moment but feel awkward in social groups who drink like fish, this article on how to survive may be of great use to you.
20:23

I've becoming increasingly aware recently just how limited my life span is. I'm a believer in reincarnation but there's no proof that I will return to this planet again so I have to make the most of the short time I have available to me. This is time is running out at every moment, slipping closer to the end. And so I owe it to myself to make the most of every moment because I never know if it will be the last. The chances are it won't be the final one but that time will come, I'm not immortal. At the end of my life I want to be able to say I had a good innings, that I didn't sit back and waste the time I was allocated. And wasting time is exactly what I'm doing. I've been spending my days recently playing Solitaire or Minesweeper, downloading mp3s and staring into space. I need to be experiencing things, learning things, feeling and doing and exploring and giving and tasting and immersing myself in all life has to offer. Life is not a rehersal. Now how do I do that? How do I motivate myself to get off my arse and live? Suggestions on the back of a postcard or sealed down envelope to...
13:37 - 2 Comments

Appologies for all the shitty quiz things. I am meaning to write a proper entry soon, I'm just very lazy.
00:54 - Comments?

you're high art. you're about lesbians and heroin and take place in new york. how trendy.

A bit of a strange result, but nevermind.

Your Smiths anthem is... Bigmouth Strikes Again
You seem to have self-punishment honed to a fine art. Whether it's true or not, you always feel alone, always feel you've done wrong, and probably blame your problems on your own supposed lack of everything important. You may have a sense of humor about it all, but that doesn't help you overcome it very well. It's probably not as bad as it seems, you know...

(found here)
23:21 - 1 Comment

I've been making full use of Soul Seek and downloading loads of mp3s by people I've never heard of. Here's a selection: 14 Iced Bears, The Beatings, Blue October, Cave In, Explosions In The Sky, Hood, Interpol, Lapsus Linguae, Melt Banana, The Parkinsons, Polyphonic Spree, Rival Schools, The Sea and Cake, Truman's Water. I've discovered I really like The Shipping News, The Von Bondies, The Runaways (who split up in 1979!) and Death By Chocolate. Ahhhh, I love being able to listen to so much music. Well, actually, more time would be useful, as I'm downloading it quicker than I can listen to it. Literally.

Went to the gay picnic. It started to drizzle just as I left the house and threatened to get worse but luckily it held off and the sun even turned up in the afternoon. As I was walking down to the bus I spotted a hodgeheg on the grass in the same place I saw my first hodgeheg. Seeing hodgehegs in the daytime is a very bad sign as they only come out in sunlight if they either ill or very hungry. This hodgeheg was laying on his side, slightly curled up. I slowly went closer and he wasn't making any attempt to move. One dead hodgeheg. He wasn't torn apart and bleeding and he wasn't squashed so hopefully it was a natural death.

I met the SHIP group at 1pm and after stopping at Morrisons to pick up more food we headed of to Hyde Park. We got there about 2 o'clock after waiting for people to turn up, and there was long queues in Morrisons. There wasn't very many people around, at least not very many considering it was a rather high profile picnic. Julie and her partner Jo were there, showing most of the Out 2 25 group basic T'ai Chi. There was also LGB Quaker Friends, Leeds MESMAC, a gay football team and a guest appearance by Gay Abandon, the local gay choir. More people turned up after 3pm and it got rather busy. The sun came out, as I mentioned earlier, and Out 2 25 took up a rounders game, to the delight of some of the SHIP contingent. There were a couple of really gorgeous people I fancied but they all seemed to be taken. In fact everyone seemed to be taken, it wasn't fair! We had a couple of games with Julie's parachute which was fun, and Michael's wife Tilly provided a lot of amusement. She'd picked up some free condoms from the MESMAC stall and was about to do a "Cinderella" - see who it would fit best. She gave us some good laughs.

We left about 5pm and decided to walk back to town. On the way I spotted another hodgeheg, on a small lawn outside Leeds Uni. This one was a baby and was snuffling around hunting for food, but as I said before, they only come out in daylight in emergencies. I didn't know what to do and we had a moral obligation to try and help it, but Rory didn't answer his phone so we had to leave it there. When I was coming home I walked past the first hodgeheg again and he'd moved. He was up against a house wall now, on his, and with flies round him. Poor hodgeheg. I hope someone moves the body, having to see it rotting away wouldn't be very pleasant.

The day was quite good, in retrospect. I wish I hadn't eaten as many bourbons as I did, but it doesn't matter. I didn't get to talk to Rory last night as he went out with his friends. Apparantly they got exceedingly drunk on a cocktail of lager, vodka and Smirnoff Ice. Doesn't sound very appetising to me. I've been finding lots of people on Soul Seek with Ex-Rental and Pocket Rockets mp3s, which is strange as both bands are unsigned and known pretty much only to friends and BSN. I've added the users to my list so I can keep an eye on them. And my salad was a success. It tasted nice, even if after a night in the fridge appearances left something to be desired.
20:59

Another deary day. I really must do something in an attempt to distinguish one day from another. Today I mostly just messed around on the computer. Went to Morrisons to get some tofu as I forgot it yesterday. I fried it with some mushrooms after marinading it with the remains of the barbeque marinade. Then I added that to a huge bowl of chopped lettuce, grated carrot, rasins, chopped pepper and quartered cucumber. I'm taking it to the Rainbow Picnic tomorrow. Preliminary tastings suggest it hasn't been a complete failure and is somewhat edible.

Simon came round. We cleaned out Jesus (or Sherbet) and chatted a little. The time went quickly. Rory's friends were trying to arrange going out but no one was answering their phones today so I presumed we would be talking as usual tonight but he rang me half an hour ago to say he was going out after all. I don't know why but I burst into tears. I haven't been feeling bad today, or lonely. Maybe I had been looking forward to our talk more than I realised. I wanted to tell him how I found Mr R on SoulSeek and he'd mentioned Morag's naming party, at which I terminated the conversation fairly promptly. I don't know why I reacted so strangely. Maybe it's due to me frying the tofu at the time and I was frying it then so I would be finished before we were due to talk. Maybe I'm just having an emotional day. I don't know.
22:03

The most interesting thing I've been doing recently is playing a game with the aim of helping rabbits to breed. It's very simple to play but difficult to win at.

I don't have much else to say. I might go to the Rainbow Picnic on Sunday. I have very little money. Cinnamon has been going outside plenty. Dad thinks it will take another three days to finish decorating the bathroom. According to Google not a single other website links to me. My LMAO is not lost! It's home for a visit but hopefully will be off out again soon. Reading High Fidelity.
23:31

Three people whom you�d like to sleep with: Conor Oberst, Sara Gilbert, Milla Jovovich

Four favorite smells: Vanilla, fresh bread, freshly cut grass, rainstorms

Three qualities that you think make you unique: The combination of my stubbornness, submissiveness and introversion

You love the sound of�: Running water, silence, my CDs

Something you wished you thought of: leaving the house before my dad came round today

Describe yourself using five adjectives: lonely, uninspired, short, self-obsessed, scared

Three things that you wonder about most: Am I always gonna be as crap as I currently am?, What do people really think about me?, What the hell was I thinking?

If you could ban anything from the world, what would it be? People under the age of 20

Name three things that you like about yourself: I like to learn new things, I'm a good listener, I've read lots of books

Name three things that you dislike about yourself: I have no motivation or staying power, I have no self-control, I'm far too stubborn

With the last two questions, which one did you find easier to answer? I've had to answer them before so it was more a question of remembering my answers

What would you rather be doing now? Having a hug and eating something nice

If you could be anyone for 24 hours (past or present) whom would you be? The Pope maybe. Only with better health than what the Pope currently has. And then I could get to read all those ancient documents that tell the truth about what has happened in the past two thousand years, the truth which we aren't told about

What do you think is more important, the question or the answer? The question, without a doubt

Three thoughts that make you feel happy: pass

Three man made things that you feel that you couldn�t live without: The internet, books, vegan ice cream

Three things you love the touch of: kitten fur, soft skin, hugs

(from Papa K)
17:00

Yes, I know I haven't updated in a week but I do have a very good excuse. I've been out and about, doing lots, and I haven't had chance to sit down and blog. Some spare time has popped up though so here I am, at my computer, ready to let my faithful reader know what I've been up to. And no, I didn't miss an "s" from the end of "reader".

On Tuesday Louise and I went to the art gallery. There was a new exhibition on called "Changing Faces" featuring the befores and afters of people undergoing facial surgery to remend their faces after some fairly horrific accidents. It was very gruesome but extremely good. The artist was certainly talented. We made it to SHIP just in time for the LGB group, but only two others and the facilitator turned up so it was a quiet session mostly spent trying to think up a name for the group. We weren't very successful. Afterwards Louise and I went browsing the Art and LGB sections in Borders in search of inspiration for a name, again rather fruitlessly. And then (yes, Tuesday was busy) was the Out 2 25 group. We did further work on relationships which some of the younger members tried to interupt again. I got a bit stressed and snappy due to it which probably did nothing to help my cause. We got split into groups and were assigned a kind of relationship to illustrate. My group received bisexual relationships. No one else seemed interested in participating so I ended up writing a large rant about bi-phobia and also said "Not all bisexuals are polyamourous. (Just the interesting ones.)" which one person took a bit of offense to. Oh well.

I didn't do very much on Wednesday. Mostly tried to avoid my dad as far as I remember. Rory arrived on Thursday and I met him in town. We spent a while shopping before coming home. On Friday we left for Birmingham at lunchtime. We stopped at a service station on the way so we could buy crisps and Opal Fruits and finally made it to the hotel at about half past 4. The foyer was covered in the same wallpaper as featured on Fevers and Mirrors, except in a shade of green. After leaving our bags in our room we went to explore. It's certainly the most amazing hotel I've ever been in. They had an indoor street and two huge dinning rooms and many other strange features. It was like a maze and even the map they gave you wasn't much help. We got wonderfully lost but it didn't matter as that seemed half the point of it all.

Dinner was at 7:30pm. Everyone who was participating in the murder mystery had been separated into five teams. We were grouped with four locals who seemed quite pleasant. There was only three choices of dish per course, and everything was cooked en masse to the disgust of both Rory and I. I ordered red pepper and pesto soup, which was divine, aubergine and orange rissotto, which was fairly inedible, and sorbet, of which the red part was gorgeous and the white and orange parts I left. The room was noisy, hot and crowded and I wanted to go upstairs and hide. I managed to last out until the food was done with and then Rory and I left. We sat in the reception bar for a short while before that became crowded too and then went to our room. In the morning we decided against breakfast and instead opted to share a bath, which was very relaxing. We all departed some time after eleven and set out for Sheffield. After another stop to pick up more crisps we made it to Sheffield at about half past one. We left mum at Meadowhall and the four of us went to the city centre in search of the Leonardo di Vinci exhibition. The sun was incredibly hot which didn't help as we wandered blindly around. A taxi driver pointed us in the right direction and eventually we found them. They were astounding. Intricate, delicate, and much more. He was obviously an extremely talented artist and i was jealous. After we had had our fill we went back to Meadowhall. Rory and I barely had time to look at anything though I did manage to buy some incence. We did our shopping in the Sainsburys there. They had all kinds of wonderful food that even health food shops don't sell. I was very impressed.

By this time it was virtually 5 o'clock so we set off back for Leeds. There wasn't any traffic problems so it didn't take very long. We had been home about an hour when Simon rang to see if we could collect Cinnamon, so we went over. We weren't invited inside. Cinnamon was glad when we got home, he hated being in the box. Simon said he hadn't been any trouble, and the other cats weren't too put out by his stay. Sunday was another hot day and Rory and I went into town again. We ended up seeing Minority Report which was very good. Not very Spielberg which was nice. Rory says it would have been much better had it been made on a tenth of the budget and in Danish, but aside from that we both rate it well.

Today has been lazy in comprision. The furthest we've strayed has been to Morrisons to buy some groceries. I bumped into one of the LGB group members there and we chatted for two minutes. We've been cooking spaghetti bolognaise and bread. Tomorrow we're going to go see Resident Evil and Baise-Moi. We might go see Chris should the occasion take us. No idea what to do on Wednesday. Any ideas?
19:11

Sometimes a week can flash by without me remembering to blog. So I return with the terrible news that some people are planning on culling hodgehegs. I'm horrified! The poor creatures! If necessary, I could give one a home, just please don't kill them.

My dad has started redecorating my bathroom. The wallpaper is currently half stripped and the spare room is full of all the items from the bathroom. You can barely move in there due to it all. I don't know when it'll be finished but I expect it will be sometime next week due to Rory arriving on Thursday.

Went to Chris' house last night. It was good. Had a bit of a laugh and ended up smoking some dope. He was playing Grand Theft Auto and we were listening to the talk show on one of the radio stations. It was pretty funny. "Guns don't kill people, death kills people" said one guy phoning in. I may have to search out some talk radio stations if they're as good IRL.

I'm supposed to be meeting Louise today to go to the Art Gallery as something to do. Then there's the two LGB groups. Chris didn't know what LGB stood for! Argh! I'm feeling tired though due to being woken up early by my dad and not getting to sleep until late after talking to Jes on ICQ and crying down the phone to Rory. *sigh*. Two days to a hug...
11:33

More miscellaneous news: going wallpaper shopping for the bathroom tomorrow. Listening to White Stripes obsessively. Cut my finger whilst chopping cucumber for sandwiches. Went to Swarthmore and Park Lane to get prospectuses but neither are out yet. May be going to the Yorkshire Sculpture Park when Rory's over next week. Pauline who was running the women's group at SHIP has suddenly left for a paid position somewhere else so we had a meeting today to see if we wanted to continue without her. The consensus was yes but there were new people there who I wasn't comfortable around so I may drop that group and see Michael about joining Hope. The psychologist yesterday was all fine. Simon didn't come round though as he was too tired, had been working lots of overtime. Doing a bit better at persuading myself to use my exercise bike.
19:14

I've been out and about adventuring today. I bought a new mobile phone as it's much cheaper for both me and Rory for me to be on Orange. I took a long time to decide between that model and a Motorola phone. I went for this one as it was cheaper.

I met Louise for the first time and we went to Moderno for lunch. It's the first time I'd been in there, as Rory isn't keen on sandwiches and they are on the higher price range. It was really nice food and I was happy, but not being able to eat the giant chocolate muffins was torture!

Louise was cool. She was friendly and asked questions and didn't mind my babbling responses. We talked about all sorts and went to the LGB group, where I ranted about my drugs and my dad, and then we came home. We sat in my living room and talked for ages more. Talked so much today my throat is sore! But it was good. Makes a change to talk to someone new and hopefully we can become friends and do stuff. We agreed we both need people to just do things with - watch telly or a film, go shopping with or for a walk in the park. We'll see what happens.

Appointment with the psychologist tomorrow, and a time still hasn't been fixed to go buy wallpaper in. I need to be thinking about things to do when Rory comes over next week. Been listening to White Stripes today and have been amazed, again, at how wonderful they are. Yey. And finally, I got a new Guestmap as the previous one kept deleting entries. So go sign it damn it! (Unfortunately pop-ups will appear when you close down the screen. Sorry.)
23:04