The Queen Mum's dead! Yeeeeeeeeeeeey!!!
17:57

I almost forgot this week's Friday Five:

1. If you could eat dinner with and "get to know" one famous person (living or dead), who would you choose? Sylvia Pankhurst would be cool. It would be a different answer next week though. I can never choose just one person, I want to know everything.

2. Has the death of a famous person ever had an effect on you? Who was it and how did you feel? I don't think it really has. I got into Nirvana after Kurt died and the Manics after Richey disappeared so they didn't change anything at the time. Princesses Di and Maggie meant nothing. Even the death of Doreen Valiente only caused me to feel ... wierd ... for an hour or so. No one famous who means anything to me has died whilst they meant something to me, if you follow that.

3. If you could BE a famous person for 24 hours, who would you choose? The Pope, so I could go into the Vatican cellars and read all those forbidden manuscripts about what's really happened over the past two thousand years. Or maybe George Bush and then I'd confess to all sorts of horrible crimes and after the 24 hours was up he'd have to deal with the mess. Heh heh.

4. Do people ever tell you that you look like someone famous? Who? No, I don't look like I should be famous either.

5. Have you ever met anyone famous? Terrorvision, Terry Pratchett, Patrick from Strangelove, 4 of Ooberman, Danny from Embrace, Robert Dane (though he isn't famous yet) and I interviewed Mark Cullen from Bawl who wasn't famous either but he was in a band. And I stood opposite Conor from Bright Eyes for a moment or two. (Scraping the bottom of the barrel here, I feel.)
20:11

Boy is this worth seeing: Knit Your Own Fry Up as featured in the Jackie Annual 1979. I suppose I should link to Hats Of Meat too, seeing as it's almost the same thing.
19:56

17:26 - 1 Comment

I haven't been feeling very well recently, which is why I haven't been updating. Rory suspects this onset of depression is due to not having lots of things to do, now that my Human Relations and Confidence Building courses have finished, but I doubt that. It's just one of those things that happens to me every now and then. It's the worst it's been for a while though - I've had to lay down at times, and it's lasted throughout the whole day and night, which is unusual.

Cinnamon is settling in. He's learnt to use the litter tray and he loves to come lay by me and be stroked. Unfortunately he uses his claws in everything he does and so I'm covered in scratches. Biting is another of his favourite pasttimes. He's a very playful kitten and spends hours just running up and down the room and over the furniture, or scratching and biting the furniture. He likes me to play with him, which usually consists of e jiggling his ball on a string around for him to try and hit with one of his front paws. It gets a little repetitive. He's not like Jora who would eat anything as I gave him a Hula Hoop and he batted it around for a while, licked the salt off it and then ignored it. He liked Simon's scallop buttie though.

I've been furthering my Ebay habit. I haven't bought anything more yet, but it's only a matter of time. Soon I'm planning on putting up some old vinyl for sale - Manics and Placebo and Ash singles mostly. Similar stuf has been going for quite a lot of money so I thought I should take advantage.

I discovered Simon was on a mailing list I joined recently. We've been having a little discussion - how we are and such. It brought back all the bad memories though and it made me feel worse today. I need to stop being so bitter and resentful, it's not good for your soul.

Mum came up with a theory as to why I haven't seen the Whale or her Brats or her mother in a while. Maybe she left the Drunken Toss-Pot. I'd still prefer to think they all died but her idea is a bit more realistic.

Someone tried to kill me on Tuesday. I was crossing the road to get to Bramley, the beep was beeping, I could cross. Then a car came rocketing down at about 50mph on the wrong side of the road with its inhabitants - 3 20-ish year old men - leaning out of the windows sticking their fingers up at me and shouting things I couldn't make out. It didn't occur to me until a few moments later how close I was to being run over. It wasn't shock or anything, but because I was depressed that it didn't register the severity of what could have happened. To Rory's frustration, the incidence served to increase my belief that all the world hates me. He says it doesn't but I can prove him wrong.
15:09

My dad brought his digital camera over today so that I can take photos of some records I want to sell on Ebay. I took the opportunity to take lots of photos of Cinnamon. See him looking cute here, here and here.

I went into to town with him which was a mistake. At my health food shop I bought some cheese and some garlic sausage and when we walked past a record shop, I went in and found they lots of CDs I've wanted for a while. I forced myself to only buy two though - the best of the Railway Children, and a Dick Dale album.

The shirt I received in exchange for my Hole t-shirt came today and I love it. It's purple tie dye and it's so *me*! Other than that, not a lot of interest has been happening.
20:44

I've discovered Ebay. Not as in I've only just heard of it, but as in I've just realised how wonderful it is. This could be very, very bad for my finances. Currently I've bought 3 books and a skirt, but there's many more items I want. This caught my eye though: A 6000 year old goddess figure currently selling for £150. Whoa. Where else in the world could that happen? Also spotted - the last ever Sarah records CD, a beautiful corset for £16, a £4k cello.

My kitten is here, and he's called Cinnamon. He was born Christmas Eve and he's extremely playful. Like all cats he has a weakness for string. He's so cute and adorable, and as soon as I get my hands on my dad's digital camera you'll be inundated with photographs.

That's all for now, I have to go do some hardcare ebay surfing.
21:48

Only a very, very short post as I desperately need sleep, but wonderful news as a woman wins the right to die. Hopefully this will pave the way for more people to win the right to their own death. Yey!
00:10

I've just eaten half a packet of Hob Nobs and a lot of chocolate. I feel so fat. I'm gonna be horrendous soon.

But my cat's coming in two hours! Argh! Cat! All little! I've moved my computer (sans printer) downstairs, which is fine but the mouse cord isn't long enough so it has to go on the right hand side, which makes it awkward for me to use, being left handed and all. Still, at least it might cure my Minesweeper obsession. I have to use the phone extension from upstairs as the telephone cable from the computer won't reach the box on the wall. So I'm downstairs in the living room using the internet through an extension lead that goes up the stairs, across the landing, through the spare room, between the floor boards, into the ceiling of the living room and down to the telephone box by the door. A little round-about, I know, but it works, luckily. I had to selotape the cord to the skirting boards though, to avoid tripping over it.

Last night's play was good. The company, Northern Broadsides, always make optimum use of minimal set and props, and it's enjoyable to see them succeed with so little besides their acting. Last night's Macbeth had the usual daggers and other weapons, and a few glasses, and a large square of orange fake fur (to my delight) and that was about it. However it featured what must be the first male Hecate and some tap-dancing witches. It would have been a lot more enjoyable though if half the audience hadn't been 13 years old or younger. I hate teenagers.

I bought two pairs of trousers from Dorothy Perkins yesterday for the grand total of £25. A nice bargain. They're far too long but mum will take them up for me. The doctors visit went fine, despite my whimpering when she stuck the needle in, and that the receptionist sent all the blood people to the wrong room. Oh well.
15:55

The Friday Five:
1. What is your favorite time of year? Up until about a fortnight ago it always used to be autumn but now I think it might be spring.

2. What is it about your favorite season that, well, makes it your favorite season? There's sunlight, flowers and the kids are still in school. It's getting warmer and you don't necessarily need a coat anymore (though you do need an umbrella!). The cruel winds of winter have gone and the heat of summer isn't here yet. I used to like autumn because of all the colours and the lack of heat but the fact it was still warm. Whilst I've been paying more attention to the seasons in these past few years, I've noticed that autumn tends to be grimy and rainy though and I haven't enjoyed it. That's why my favourite changed to spring.

3. What is your least favorite time of year? Why? Summer. Without a doubt. I can not stand heat at all. Some might say that what with living in England it's not something I have to worry about but even British summers can be too much for me. Also strong sunlight makes my eyes water, there are people everywhere so you can't move without meeting large crowds and it's impossible to sleep at night. In its favour though, summer does mean people wear less clothes and so show off their tattoos, which is always good enjoyment.

4. Do you do anything to celebrate or recognize the changing of seasons? Heh heh. Well I'm supposed to, but being a lazy, good-for-nothing scrounger, I don't. One day, one day.

5. What's your favorite thing to do outside? Play on swings. Can't beat it.
15:12

It's been quite a while since I spotted anything worth recommending on the net. A break with tradition though and a link to an article about famous (or not so famous) last words which starts with the enticing sentence "With few exceptions, the last words of history's great players have been about as interesting and uplifting as a phone book."

"It makes us less stressed, lowers our blood pressure and reduces anxiety. It's more common than sex, eating or singing. And yet it remains one of the least understood aspects of human behaviour." Want to know what it is?

Salon features another article on the true identity of Shakespeare. It's not something I've read a lot about but if you throw your cynicism aside awhile, the article is pretty convincing. Out with those "it's a bit far-fetched" refuges, this is a proper mystery story and you need a complicated solution to keep the readership entertained.
17:28

I've been cleaning and tidying and rearranging in preparation for my kitten's arrival on Friday. The computer is moving downstairs so I'll be around him lots, otherwise I know I won't pay him very much attention. This means though I have to reinstate the net curtains to provide a bit of sercurity and disguise the fact that I have a computer. I don't know what I'd do if it was stolen.

The visit to the doctors was mostly uneventful. So uneventful I spent an hour in the waiting room as he was running late. My anxiety levels were soaring, it wasn't a pleasant experience. Once in there he gave me drugs and a sick note and said that he'd like me to be tested for anemia as that may be why I fainted last Friday. I have to go back on Thursday for the phlebotomist to take a blood sample. I just hope it won't be a repeat of my TB jab.

It's the equinox tomorrow. Every sabbat that passes feels like another perfect example of my uselessness. Another eighth of the year has gone and I'm still haven't even made preliminary steps towards developing my spirituality and path. Yes I'm ill, that means I'm excused from performing rituals and magic, but it doesn't give me a right to abandon the Craft completely. Well, I haven't abandonned it, I still love it deeply, but my connection with it is only in name, which is essentially worthless. And I don't even have the motivation to make changes. I sicken myself. The damage I must be doing to my future abilities by being initiated and then doing nothing - absolutely nothing - ever since must be horrendous. There are things I could be doing aside from rituals and magic. There's mediation, connecting to the Earth and nature, conversations with the Gods, making all the attempts I can to feel the divine in my everyday life. And I haven't done a single thing.
21:52

I wasn't too sure how to answer the the Order vs. Chaos question. Rory thought I should answer it as Chaos "but you've been trained by your family to idealise order". If I had answered for Order then I would have been given the High Priestess card.
14:59

Saturday night Simon rang me up asking if I wanted a kitten. I've been thinking of getting one for a while as I miss Aislin and Jora and it would be nice to have something to stroke and cuddle occassionally. Apparantly the cat is male, 13 weeks old, tabby and very playful. After discussing it with Rory I was 95% convinced that I would take him. The reservations were about whether or not we would get along, if I would make enough time to play with him, the contradiction of being vegan but feeding a pet cat on dead animals and a slight money worry. Since the DSS increased my money in January I've had a bit more to spare, so the everyday cost wouldn't be a problem, it is if the cat needed vet treatments not covered by the PDSA. However Simon will bring the cat over on Saturday for a week's trial and if we don't get along then we'll cut our losses, otherwise he's staying.

Dad picked me up after Simon had left on Sunday afternoon and we went into Leeds where he'd left mum shopping. We went to Smiths where to my horror they had The Death of Vishnu and The Red Tent for £5 each. After a little whimpering my dad relented and bought me "...Vishnu". Yey! We went to a discount bookshop in search of picture hooks and the situation became worse - Surfacing by Margaret Atwood for £2! My dad is far too generous...

We went to meet mum and as we were about to leave town, dad asked if there was anywhere else I wanted to go before we went. I said I needed to get some mothballs, as I've had three moths this week and I don't want a repeat of last year's plague. Mum asked if I'd had the window open with the light on. I replied that I hadn't had the window open at all and I had no idea how they'd got inside. She retorted that I must have had the window open as they can't get in any other way. I didn't take this very well and I was so infuriated that I shouted that the window had not been open if I said it had not been and how dare she accuse me of lying etc etc. Looking back this was the wrong response but if you'd had to put up with my mother's know-all attitude for the past two decades you might have got annoyed as well. Not much else was said after that, by anyone.

We stopped off at Kirkstall Morrisons in the hope of buying mothballs. Unfortunately they didn't have any but I took the opportunity to buy cat food, litter and a litter tray whilst there was a car available and thus I wouldn't have to carry them home myself. When dad spotted what I was carrying he said "What's that?"
"It's cat litter, dad."
"What do you want that for?"
"To go in the cat litter tray, dad."
(shouting) "You're wrong in your bloody head!"
"That's just your opinion, dad."

Admire how I managed to insert the fogging technique? He wasn't paying very much attention to me by that point though. In the car he said "You can't afford an animal" to which I said "Please don't tell me what I can and can't afford, it's up to me to decide, dad." A minute later he tried again arguing about costs and other concerns. I replied by saying that I had made a decision and I would appreciate it if they would respect that.

After all that, the prospects of them being happy with being told I wanted to see them less might have increased but I knew they would also be pissed off. I managed to say though that I wanted to see them fortnightly from now on as I felt seeing each other so much was putting a strain on our relationship. Dad said something bitchy about not wanting to strain me and mum suggested I come monthly instead which I readily agreed to. Dad said I should ring him when I want to come over so we always know what we're doing. And so it was sorted. They took me home then as it was already 4pm and if I had gone to their house I would only have been there an hour or so before having to come back, which would be a bit of a waste of time.

I rang Rory and told him about the day and he was consoling to me. Afterwards I fell asleep for two hours as I've been waking up early for the past few days at about 9am or so and it's been leaving me feeling very tired. Rory and I had another short conversation and then I went upstairs to read. I managed to finish Bluebeard's Egg which I thought was wonderful and I recommend it. One day I might get off my lazy arse and write some more book reviews but don't hold your breath.

I came down to play with my gerbils for a while. One of them has figured out how to stand on top of the mug I bought them, but it still confounds her sister. I remembered my plan of making a swing for them from some cardboard and string, so that they could eat it should they wish. It took me a while to make it as originally I provided only two points to secure it with, which meant that it would not stay balanced. I added another two and all was fine. The gerbils were very inquisitive whilst I was installing it, but once I had close the cage lid again they lost all interest. Typical. I stayed and watched for a while longer but they mostly ignored it and get some dinner instead. When I came down this morning, it was still in place and hadn't been nibbled on either. Either they abandonned it after some attempts at conquest, or just left it alone and went to sleep. Oh well. At least I tried.

Today is turning out to be quite relaxed. I have my human relations course this evening and I should go to the post office to send my Hole t-shirt that I agreed to swap with someone from Webswappers. Other than that there's nothing urgent needing my attention.
13:27

The weather's perked up again, a return to what we were experiencing in the middle of the week. My mood hasn't improved with it though. The first few hours of today were dull and lifeless for me, only points of note being arranging with Simon and my dad when I would be seeing them. The prospect of not seeing Simon and being forced to see my parents was probably what pushed me over, and I spent a good long while crying and berating myself for all my faults. Rory talked to me though and calmed me down, put things into perspective for me, as I am unable to see things as they really are. My depression acts like a lens and distorts my life until it seems unbearable. Rory is an opposite lens which restores my sight to as close as it can get to normal.

As you might have guessed from the above paragraph then, Simon isn't coming to see me today. He says he's too busy as he has to go to town with Mark to buy a DVD player for their mum's birthday on Wednesday. There was also the possibility of having to go see Waiting For Godot with my parents but I desperately don't want to see them today. Three days in a row would be too much for me and I feel bad enough as it is without their input. Luckily their friend Joyce said she would take the spare seat and so I was saved. Tonight shall be spent talking to Rory, discussing how to get my life and my recovery back on track, and ways of coping with my well-meaning but overbearing parents.

Last night's meal was a typical family gathering. None of us knew where the restaurant, Leodis, was but the responsibility of locating it was cast upon my shoulders, presumably beacause I live in Leeds and had read the review in the paper. After slight bickering and a few wrong turns we arrived on time though I was already stressed and wishing I was at home. The restaurant is in the ground floor of an old mill on the river side. Architecturally it was wonderful, with pillars and arched ceilings and old cobbled floors. The wall decorations were even more interesting - we were seated beneath a drawing of a woman in a corset. I asked dad if he'd buy it for me but he said £130 was too much. It was a large picture so I thought the price was suitable, I just didn't want to spend that much myself.

The menu posed a bit of a problem. We had rung in advance to enquire whether they could provide vegan food, and they said they would, but there was no vegan options on the menu. I had discussions with a waitress and we agreed on stir fried vegetables. There was a huge mound of them, and I'm not exagerating. Courgette, peppers, sweetcorn, brocolli, cauliflower (urgh!), string beans, carrot and possibly more that I've forgotton. I also made my way through a portion of spinach and a serving of chips. The food was nice. Not divine, but very good. The company was frustrating, irritating, condascending and annoying. In return I was ratty and snapped, though I didn't want to, it was just what was inspired in me. I want to be a nice person who never has a bad word to say to anyone but putting this into practise is extremely difficult.

Luckily I managed to persuade them to leave fairly soon after the desserts instead of spending half an hour or more dithering around and working me up into a mood. I wanted to go home and talk to Rory, whereas they like to sit at the table in the mess of the meal and carry on being hateful towards each other. And they wonder why I don't like being around them. I'll be seeing them again tomorrow, but not for as long as usual because my dad won't be picking me up until 2pm as Simon is coming tomorrow lunchtime to see me. I'm going to tell them that I only want to see them once a fortnight as I can't see any reason to carry on coming every Sunday when there's nothing to interest me there. I know they'll say tell us what you want to do and we'll take you to do it, but I'll say that I'd rather be on my own. They'll object, naturally, but they can't make me come to see them and they'll respect that, though they will try to change my mind. Hopefully then, as soon as I'm seeing them less, they'll stop being such a huge problem for me.
17:21

The Dalai Lama Personality Test

Your priority # 1 Horse: means family.
Your priority # 2 Tiger: means pride.
Your priority # 3 Sheep: means love.
Your priority # 4 Cow: means career.
Your priority # 5 Pig: means money.


Your description of Dog (dozey) implies your own personality.
Your description of Cat (independant) implies your spouse or couple's personality.
Your description of Rat (small) implies the personality of your enemies.
Your description of Coffee (warm) is how you interpret sex.
Your description of Ocean (powerful) implies your own life.


Friends and their associated colours:
Yellow (simon): Someone you will never forget.
Orange (rory): Someone you could consider a good friend.
Red (catherine): Someone you really love.
White (alice): Your twin soul.
Green (harriet): Someone you will remember all your life.


Send this link to 7 persons - as many as your favorite number, and your wish will be granted on your favorite day - Thursday.

Interesting. I'm madly in love with Catherine, apparantly. I wish someone had told me earlier. But as long as 7 people read this, then I shall be incredibly slim and fat-free by Thursday. Whoo-hoo!
18:43

Rory's been trying to get me to learn Perl again. And DHTML this time too.

I'm scared.

But then if I knew those I could program for a job.

Ah.
*scurries off to think about it*
22:44

It seems I spoke too soon about the improvement in the weather. Today featured a return to overcast skies, biting winds and drizzle, punctuated with a small peal of thunder five minutes ago. Still, at least I don't need to leave the house for a good long while. Unless I have a sudden need of kitchen roll, that is, as I used the last on Monday and haven't remembered to buy any more yet.

Today I treated myself to some food from Beano. I bought cheese and chicken substitutes and had them in a sandwich of the poppy seed bread buns sold from Hampsons. Delicious. Very expensive though. :-(
16:56

The sun is shining, we should be making hay...

What a change around in the weather. Last week it was all gales and rain, suitable for sitting inside and sulking at. These past few days it's been sunny. And not just a bit of sun poking out behind some clouds, but proper sunshine with blue skies and weather warm enough to not need a coat if you go out during the day. What a wonderful change this is, and with the equinox just around the corner too.

I had another shiatsu session yesterday. It was very relaxing, though also worrying as apparantly I wasn't booked into the slot I was booked into (or something), and luckily the person who was booked in had cancelled. I wandered around town for a short while beforehand. Had a lovely pasty from Beano, it was tofu and seaweed this time. Why does all their food have to be so appitising? According to a display in Borders, some one is trying to get Leeds into a book reading club, similar to those in America. I couldn't tell you what book we're all supposed to be reading, all I can remember about it is that the plot has something to do with a murderer and it only costs £2 to buy the book. It didn't look very interesting to me or else I would have jumped at the chance to buy a book for two quid. In Scope though I got a second hand copy of Oscar and Lucinda for £1.75, a bargain if ever there was one.

The evening was warm and I was feeling good due to my shiatsu so I decided to try and brave my sign language lesson. I've had one lesson since December which isn't a very good rate. I felt fine as I left but less than a minute later, less than a minute, I felt like I was about to faint again. I decided to persevere and did the right thing, I got on the bus and still tried to go to class. I was scared, I didn't know what would happen, if I would be safe. Drowned myself in Coke in an attempt to get sugar into my system, and scoffed Opal Fruits and Skittles, which did nothing to help my bodily state and only resulted in feeling worse in a sweets-overdose way, and made my teeth feel scummy and horrible. I blagged a lift home from one of my classmates though, luckily, so I didn't have to risk the bus again.

I woke up early this morning, and for once that phrase is accurate, it was actually morning, and not lunchtime as is my usual habit. Thinking I may as well get up, I did so, to find again sunshine, and also for today only, my copy of Thus Spake Zarathustra had finally arrived. It was ordered on December 29th. That's almost three months. Still, at least it's here now.

I was about to get in the shower when I realised how dirty the bathroom units were. It was really disgusting. So I cleaned them. Yep. Be proud - I am.

Then I had a psychologist appointment. It didn't go too badly. I ranted a little, mumbled a lot, but I think we both got something out of it. He tried again to show me that my reasoning isn't very logical and how I can look at things differently, more realistically, in a way that doesn't constantly reinforce my self-hatred.

Simon's coming around tonight. I hope he doesn't bring chips again, as he has for the past fortnight, I wouldn't be able to resist buying my own, and I've been so bad on my diet recently that I can't argue that I need them every once in a while.
15:11

13:20

13:13

Oooooohhh, I feel soooo bad. I don't know if apple crumble can be fatal in large proportions, but it certainly feels like it could be. I think my stomach's about to burst and splatter the walls with half digested humous sandwiches and apple crumble with soya custard. It wouldn't be a pretty sight. Why did Rory have to make so much of it? I blame him. Ohhhh, my stomach (etc etc).

Then again, Rory isn't all that bad. He did buy me two lovely books, after all: Femmes photography book and The Ladies of Llangollen. Fresh from Amazon to my doorstep. Oh yes.

I can't actually remember yesterday, so I presume this means we didn't do much. Today was spent either eating or complaining about eating - not doing it, having done too much of it etc. I was being lazy and fat due to the apple crumble, so I didn't go to tonight's Human Relations class. Probably a good job. Having as much food in me as I do, it would be a miracle if I could waddle to end of the street, let alone into town and back again.
19:25

So much has happened I don't think I'll have the energy to relate it all.

I took the Wiccan Tradition Selector and somehow, Discordianism came top. This is worrying. So I took it again and Universal Eclectic Wicca came top, with Discordianism second. Georgian was third, but I haven't heard of that. Then again, I haven't heard of Universal Eclectic Wicca either.

Rory's cooking sausages downstairs and they smell so lovely. I've been hungry all day, it's very frustrating. He's also supposed to be cooking potato wedges for us. I hope they're ready soon.

We were in town yesterday and he insisted on buying me Death to the Pixies as I've never even heard it. Not that I complained, of course. However he also bought some other cds I wanted. Not fair. My cds.

We went to the Arts Cafe for lunch. I had baked aubergine with tomatoes and onions, and a side order of roasted vegetables. It was lovely. I like going there, the food is so nice and the cafe is decorated well.

We went to Borders in search of Femmes: Masterpieces of Erotic Photography. However I fainted before we could get anywhere near the book. Apparantly I was shaking and foaming at the mouth. They called an ambulance and took me to A&E. I remember nothing until we arrived at the hospital. After a short discussion they decided that I only fainted, I hadn't had a fit, and I was released. Apparantly my behaviour was quite worrying as I couldn't remember where I lived or what day it was or other such vitals. It all came back to me when I'd rested for a little while though.

We realised it wouldn't be a good idea to go back to Borders to buy an erotic photography book after what had happened, so we went to Waterstones instead. They didn't have it, but we did bump into Chris from my old English class and we exchanged phone numbers. It's been a long time since I saw him.

We were both tired so we went to sleep early. Neither of us slept well though and I had dreams where everyone hated me. Today Rory had his hair cut by my mum and then we went to Bradford in search of Femmes and clothes. There was nothing of interest at all. Would have been a bit of a wasted trip if we hadn't bumped into Fiona, also from my English class, in Waterstones. She had a lovely blue furry coat on. But we're home now, where it's warm and there's food and a soft bed. There's not many better things in this world.
18:33

Wow, the week is almost gone. That's good. I hate time to drag.

I'm in the middle of an argument on a vegan mailing list. Someone claimed that she was frustrated at trying to convert her friends to veganism and that sometimes she refuses to talk to anyone who eats meat. Not very happy with such an attitude, I replied asking her what right and authority she has to press her beliefs onto other people. After a lengthy email exchange, she said that she only talks about her veganism to those who ask first; that her friend agrees that eating meat isn't right; and that she meant she only wants to not speak to meat eaters due to having to explain herself so much but that she never just refuses to talk to them. I'm not entirely convinced by this turnaround but there's not much I can do. It would be wrong to claim she is lying just so she doesn't have to justify her actions.

What frustrated me further though was someone else butted in, saying, amongst other things, "what I think is at hand - veganism - is not a matter of personal taste. It's a legal issue that has not been properly addressed". She also said "all that talk about free choice is something I put up with with non-vegans just for the image... I honestly didn't think that would actually be something some of us here truly believe in." Which is just staggering. Not believing in allowing people the right of how to live their lives! That only happens in dictatorships, how can someone advocate it?

Rory said "they're all scary, intolerant, authoritarian, misguided, crypto-fascist fools!" I have to say, with the experience of this conversation, I think I agree with him, unfortunately.

So I had the haircut. I don't think I like it. It's not different to what I had before. It still looks like me, which is the last thing I wanted. It cost £24. I got quite depressed on Tuesday that I had spent so much money on something so worthless. And it's hardly as if I can take a haircut back, is it?

Today in confidence building we were doing fogging techniques, quite apt considering the war on the mailing list. Luckily though I'm not taking it personally, unlike all previous times, so it isn't making me very depressed. Just disappointed and shocked. But yes, fogging. Useful stuff.

The Irish population have voted to not increase the severity of their abortion laws. This is a very good thing. Perhaps they might finally be dragged into the 20th century sometime soon. I find it hard to understand how a country can be so backwards in its policies and values and yet get such a large proportion of its GDP from the computer industry, one of the most forward-looking career sectors there is. (If you need stats to back this up, ask Rory, not me. He's the one who told me they make lots of money from computers.)

Speaking of Rory, he's coming over to see me today! Yey! We're gonna hug and make apple crumble and sleep and hug and eat potatoes and vegan custard and hug and not see my family! This visit is well needed. He's my main source of hugs. And hugs are to Sarah Monsters what grass is to cows.
18:27 - 2 Comments

I had written an entry about my haircut, Don't Let Our Youth Go To Waste, my family, the White Stripes, Rory's visit and more, but my fingers slipped and somehow the browser window closed, losing my whole entry. I am very pissed off about this and so will not be replicating it. Night night.
23:01

I stumbled out of bed after 2pm today. I was having a lovely dream involving pretty women, sex with the pretty women, trying to kill boyfriends, and other indecipherable moments. It was interesting. If only I could get the sex into real life and not just my dreams.

I've realised why I'm such a lazy, aimless no-hoper. It's my parents' fault. Now bear with me, this isn't your standard "destroy all parents" anguished teenage rant. This has reasoning behind it. It's well known that teenagers will do anything possible to go against what their parents say or ask them to do, it's one of their identifying characteristics. So if your parents attempt to stop you from doing something, say, go to a party, be friends with someone, choose that as a career, go to university, and so on, you will indeed go out of your way to go to that party, be friends with whoever, pursue that career, get that degree. This is exactly what happened with my friend Morag.

If, however, your parents are of a more liberal persuasion, and encourage you to find your own path, do pretty much what you like, tell you you can do what ever you want to, there is nothing to stop you, well then, what do you think happens? Sod all. That's what happens. The teenager in question sits in their bedroom for six years and does nothing. It isn't necessarily in defiance of the "do what you like" ethic, but more because they have nothing specific to rebel against. And this is what happened with me, and with Rory. Because our parents were too caring to attempt to restrain our behaviour, there ended up being nothing to restrain. They quashed any desire or ambition we had and left us feeling lost and aimless.

It's my parents' fault I'm so pathetic and apathetic.

I hope they're happy now.
16:16 - 3 Comments